Welcome to the new members who have joined in the last couple of weeks. Please feel free to introduce yourself or post your own story.

Hey. I'm Lauren. I'm here because I'm exhausted. My abuser is currently incarcerated temporarily. It's been a few months now. I know I did the right thing to protect myself and my daughter. I'm just so tired of looking to the future and still not understanding how this all happened. I can't yet envision my life without him. I wake up in a life that doesn't feel like mine every single day. I just want to not think about it anymore. I want to not think about all the awful things that were done, said etc. I want control back of my emotions and thoughts. Most of all, I want relief from the deep pain of this heartbreak. So I'm here in hopes of finding similar people in similar situations to learn from, build ideas from, attain hope from. That's pretty much it I guess.

What made you decide to leave? How many tries did it take before you left permanently? Statistics suggest it takes an average of 7 attempts before someone leaves an abusive relationship for good. For me, it was exactly 7. The first time, it was after about 10 months. The abuse was subtle at that stage. But I was sick of not being believed if I went to the shops to buy stuff and the item wasn’t there. I was doubted as to whether I’d even looked. I was also sick of being blamed for when things went wrong. The straw that broke the camels back was when I came home with fish and chips for dinner for everyone. I was berated for letting them put everything into a bag to carry easier. I left for a. couple of days and when I came back I started looking for somewhere else to live. I moved out without telling my ex partner and moved while he was out all day. I had my mum and my nana help me. I was in the shower later that evening when he turned up to talk. He’d gone through my phone the week before without me knowing and found out my plan and learnt where I was going. We talked in the car. I still didn’t know fully what he was at that stage so I believed him when he said he didn’t hold grudges and if I ever had a problem I should talk to him about it instead of running. I let him stay in my life when I should have cut and run. It was about 2 months later I let him move into that house with me. Crazy but as it turns out, quite a normal experience for many. Who else can relate?

Small things are always worth celebrating. It’s the multiple small things that lead or turn into big things. It could be leaving a toxic relationship. That takes a lot of courage and should be celebrated. It could be you got a job and can earn money for yourself. It could be you’ve managed on your own for a whole day. It could be a range of things. Let me know what your small thing for the day is.

I am of the strong belief that people who are abusive are all narcissists- because normal people don’t deliberately manipulate everyone they know and cause turmoil, pain and tear down the person they supposedly love. However, I am not professionally qualified to make such a diagnosis- this opinion comes from my own personal experience and subsequent research on the topic. Either way, the words in this meme ring true to me. I moved from my ex numerous times (and stupidly took them back after being relentlessly worn down over weeks), I ended the relationship numerous times while still living together. On these occasions my ex would constantly come into the bedroom to “talk”, repeatedly saying things like “tell me what you want”, “just let me know and I’ll leave you alone”. I would repeatedly say I didn’t want to be together anymore but it would fall on deaf ears. Statistics suggest it takes a person 7 attempts/leaving an abusive partner 7 times before leaving for the final time- this type of behaviour pattern would be part of the reason why. For me, it was exactly 7 times. How long did it take for you to leave and what made things different the final time? If you are still with an abusive partner, have you tried to leave? How many times? What keeps you going back?