4d • General discussion
Love Is...
Love is Pain.
Through the hours of pregnancy searchng my breast for an escape. An escape that cannot exist. Because Love is Pain. And I have known love.
I have known love...I have loved and been loved, and it brought great pleasure. It brought wonderful women into my life and beautiful daughters, and grandchildren. It brought wondeful memories...and that's why it was painful, so painful that it forced me to look at myself. And that was painful.
But, now it's painful in different ways. Now the pain is loss.
I am at an age where the people of my past are leaving, the people I loved, but didn't live with as a partner. The mother of my first daughter, died last year. I loved her. I cried like I've never cried before.
I was able to touch her lips with my finger one more time at the funeral parlor. I touched her coffin before it disappeared, and I think of her today.
I met the love of my life in 1964, through air mail, and met her physically in 1968. It was painful because I didn't understand her, or her past, But, even when I flew out of America, I knew I loved her, and it hurt all the way home. I didn't understand then, that she had a lifelong effect on my life.
Through the miracle of the internet, we reconnected again in 2004 and have been talking on Face book and other platforms virtually every week. And I love her, and it hurts that I can't be with her. Especially at a time when she has suffered the losses of a husband and a son.
But that's not the only pain. We found that we had different views on the American political scene, and that has led to arguments and shouting at each other over the bloody internet, and occasions where we have refused to connect for months...but I love her.
The conclusion? I guess to know love you have to know pain. To know you can love, you have to know that you will be hurt along the way.
I am grateful for the pain, because it means that I can still love.
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Love Is...
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