Modern Relationships: From Convenience to Commitment 💍

Dating apps trained many of us to treat partners like endlessly swappable options. That “infinite aisle” changes how our brains decide—and how much effort we invest once we’re in a relationship.

What the science shows (Some of this info was also mentioned in the book Inner Excellence, which, I highly recommend).

Too many options = shallower decisions. Classic experiments found that people buy less and feel less satisfied when they face 24 choices versus 6 (famously: 30% purchased with 6 jams vs 3% with 24). That’s “choice overload,” and it reliably hampers commitment-type decisions.

Swiping fosters a rejection mindset. Across studies of online dating, acceptance rates dropped about 27% from the first to the last profile as people evaluated many options—people grew more pessimistic and pickier over time.

App “abundance” can rattle self-esteem and fuel fear of being single, which increases choice overload—a loop that makes real commitment harder.

Long-term glue still looks old-school: commitment rises when satisfaction is high, alternatives feel less attractive, and investments (time, care, shared goals) are meaningful—Rusbult’s Investment Model has decades of data behind it.

Day-to-day respect = perceived responsiveness. People who feel their partner “gets them” and shows up consistently report higher intimacy and satisfaction. That’s not moralizing; it’s attachment science.

What this means for “girls’ night” and attire.

It’s not about policing outfits; it’s about signals and shared meaning. Couples who co-create clear, mutual boundaries (“what reads as respect for us?”) protect perceived responsiveness and commitment. The clothes are a proxy; the real lever is your agreement about representing the relationship...together.

My own coaching add-ins:

1. Shrink the menu (deliberately).

Set “option hygiene”: fewer apps, limited swiping windows, and periodic app sabbaticals. Teach clients to trade breadth for depth. (This is how you beat choice overload.)

Yes, I've used dating apps. Specially, Bumble Dating and Hinge. I only swiped on someone if there really was big interest there. If I passed, I passed. I didn't go back because no other matches were there to give him a chance. Be selective and intentional.

2. Name the commitment drivers.

Review the three Investment Model levers weekly: satisfaction, alternatives, investments. Where’s the weakest link? Design one concrete act to strengthen it before the next check-in. (The "levers" of the Investment Model, developed by psychologist Caryl Rusbult, are the core factors that influence a person's commitment to a romantic relationship.)

3. Codify respect.

Facilitate a 30-minute “signals & settings” conversation: social media, flirting norms, nightlife, private vs public affection, dress contexts. Capture shared agreements in writing; iterate quarterly. (You’re protecting responsiveness and trust.) Respect yourself and respect the relationship.

4. Practice high-responsiveness micro-habits.

reflective listening once daily

a 60-second appreciation text mid-day

“repair within 24 hours” rule after friction

These behaviors move the intimacy needle more than grand gestures.

5. Audit the attention economy.

Replace doom-scrolling with a 10-minute evening “state of us” ritual: one win, one need, one plan. You’re re-training reward pathways away from novelty and back toward the relationship. (Counteracting the rejection-mindset drift.)

6. Building, Grounding, Growing- Commit to a plan you both can agree on to keep your relationship thriving as the two of you evolve. Marriage Retreats and conference, couples and relationship book study groups, etc ( another great book I recommend is Love and Respect - The love she most desires and the Respect he desperately needs.)

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