7d (edited) • General discussion
Well well well…
The last couple months have been so heavy for me.
Since I deleted Instagram and Tik Tok it’s been so hard.
The beginning of the year I had to distance from some closer connections and this has meant that I am VERY alone. Without social media at the same capacity, it truly means I am very alone. I used to talk with quite a few people on a daily. New people and people that followed me for awhile.
It was so hard to give up Instagram. I really like the app and was proud of the vibe of the account I had.
Then Abba asked me to give it up.
He means more to me than any app so it was a done deal.
But it’s been so hard.
Abba has shown me LOTS to do with my parents and family that have been very painful to work through ON MY OWN living in the same house I was negatively affected in. Around my parents as my ONLY human interaction in person for MONTHS now…it’s been one of the hardest periods of my life and I have been through some tougher things in my life.
The last month I have been spending more time with my parents because I’ve needed people so badly and Abba has been merciful and provided for me through them.
He has wanted me to hang around them for a little bit.
It has been really triggering me.
I have been wondering why I’ve felt so off the last month…then tonight Abba reminded me of the whole concept of PTSD.
I don’t like mental health labels or going to doctors to get those labels on your medical record. I think that’s not the wisest choice in this day. But I KNOW I have PTSD. I had someone prophesy over me a few years ago that PTSD would be something I become healed from and then I’ll able to help people through that in a very powerful way due to how Abba has helped me walk through this journey pretty much solely with HIM.
But the last month almost every day I have a PTSD flare up. Like I haven’t felt like myself. I feel like I can’t catch a break because I am hanging around my parents more in my childhood home that is so traumatizing for me.
I need to leave this house so badly but I can’t go until Abba tells me to go.
This past weekend it’s felt like I’ve hit a wall.
My body feels so off and so tense.
I feel stressed.
I typically don’t feel stressed even when I am stressed.
So when I feel this stressed, tense, and out of it…I am NOT a fan.
I have so much I want to do but I can’t.
I don’t have the energy or mental capacity.
On top of the PTSD like symptoms…I also have spiritual attacks I go through daily.
Abba tells me HE is sustaining me and I know He is. I feel Him sustaining me. But this weekend something felt like it changed.
Now I am having pretty intense physical symptoms that are so hard to live through.
As I type now I feel my shoulders are so tense.
My jaw is clenched.
My back is sore.
I am a healthy woman living in an unhealthy place.
Being reminded of all the things that wounded her…every single day.
I don’t even know why I am writing this but I felt prompted to tonight.
Tonight when it hit me that I am feeling PTSD symptoms it just took me back abit.
I’m like…oh…yeah…my life really has been that bad.
Even though God is good and He has redeemed me.
My life has been so painful.
If Abba doesn’t move and keep sustaining me…idek what would happen to my physical body.
Cause this heaviness is unreal.
God really will get the FULL glory for my story because I would have NEVER written my life like this 😅
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3 comments
Well well well…
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