There are 3 patterns I see over and over in the folks I work with: 1. Ruminating: You have a set of sepcific complaints and painful memories that replay over and over in the background like a broken record, but when you try to talk about it, it just leads to another argument. You feel stuck. One part of you says "this is crazy, why am I staying in this marriage/job/friendship??" and another part of you says "maybe I'm expecting too much....maybe it's ME?" To resolve this confusion, you watch instagram reels, listen to podcasts, post anonymously on physician FB group, and/or talk to your friends... ...but for every person who says it's them, someone else says you need to get therapy. So you are back to square one, only now with more static noise in your head. 2. Walking on eggshells, waiting for "the right moment." You want to discuss something important - maybe an upcoming vacation or wedding, maybe you want to invite some family or friends over that your partner doesn't like, or you're upset that they said they would do x thing, but still haven't. But you're not sure if it's the "right time." So you scan their face, try to anticipate their mood, stress, joke and connect first, tell yourself that "it's not a good time when he/she is on service" or "maybe I'll bring it up after the taxes are filed" or "they're dealing with a worrysome pain in their knee, so I don't want to add to the stress." Except it's been 3 months (or maybe 3 years for some issues) and the right time never comes. 3. Overexplaining your point of view hoping one. more. example. will break through their resistance and help them see the light. You're in the middle of bathtime/dinner crazyness and the chaos has everyone on edge. In the midst of what seems like a normal evening, one of you says or does something that hurts the other, and BAM! The mood shifts. Snippy remarks, rolling of the eyes, maybe some raised voices....then cold distance. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Most physicians dealing with conflict at home turn to talk therapy (couples counseling, individual therapy etc.) The problem with this is therapy asks you to talk through painful events while you’re still triggered. But once your nervous system is flooded, you can’t access any of the skills you’re learning. Because the skills are stored in your prefrontal cortex, which gets totally bypassed when you are triggered! So despite your best intentions, you will default to walking on eggshells, defending, shutting down, or ‘explaining’ (i.e.: subtly criticizing/convincing) until the cows come home. Before you know it, you’re back in the dance. The topic might change day to day, but the pattern stays the same. Why? Because you’re bypassing a critical first step –> Nervous System Regulation. aka » The process of not getting triggered/flooded in the first place! « By training your nervous system to feel strong emotions without going into fight., flight or freeze… …you can stay calm under pressure, lead the conversation, and actually get to a resolution, even if your spouse happens to be struggling or reactive in that moment. This is MUCH more effective, because when you’re no longer getting hijacked by your triggers, you can think clearly and speak your truth while staying connected. Over time, the people in your life start feeling safe enough to open up. And conflicts that used to last days get resolved in 20 minutes. You don’t have to choose between being true to your feelings and staying connected to the people you love. That’s a losing battle. The better way is to train your nervous system to stay regulated, steady and open - while also speaking your truth. This is what securely attached people do every day. It took me years and a lot of trial and error to train my nervous system to do this well. But I’m so glad I did. Because this one skill then took me from 3 breakups and a divorce by age 31, to now a 10-year marriage I love. If I can do it, anyone can.

Hey friend! Welcome to Relationship Mastery for Physicians!! This group has been a long time in the making. I wanted to create a space outside of the noise of social media, for us physicians to learn and grow together.....and then I found SKOOL! 🎉 What you can expect: - A free Relationship Repair course is waiting for you in the CLASSROOM tab above - go check out video #1 now! I promise it will *immediately* improve your relationship. - A weekly free group call with me: drop in anytime during the call and ask questions, get coached, make friends, or just listen in. YOUR NEXT STEPS: - Introduce yourself below: Name, where you're from, and a fun book or movie you recently enjoyed! - Comment on another member's intro to welcome them (one of our group values is to give more than we take. We are in this together.) - Watch video #1 of the FREE course (inside the Classroom tab) - Add the weekly calls to your calendar (Thursdays at 4pm EST, starting next week!) - Pat yourself on the back for showing up and co-creating this space. 🦚🤩

Hey fam, We talked a few days ago about what makes it hard to regulate during conflict. Today, let's unpack what you typically tend to DO in conflict (so I know exactly what tools you need to shift the pattern): 🤔👇

Working on an exciting project that will help so many physicians easily solve conflicts (at home and work) without getting triggered into anger, shut down or people pleasing. This is THE missing piece to inner resilience and better relationships. Who's excited?? 🤩👇