4d • Daily Readings
And Sometimes She Was ...
(September 23rd entry from "Honorary Indian Decolonized" available on Amazon)
Tonight, as I work out, I look over my pristine living room and again there is that feeling … that feeling that refuses to be denied. Something is wrong but what? The room is perfect … and that’s when I realized, that is exactly what is wrong.
I looked to the picture of my Mom and realized that words of wisdom no longer escaped her beautiful lips. I looked to the pictures of my kids and desperately wanted to hear their voices, their laughter, but it was not to be. As the waves of loneliness hit me, and the tears fell from my eyes, my gaze returned to the picture of the woman I miss so terribly.
You were lonely sometimes weren’t you, Mom?
The tears fell harder as my heart ached to apologize to her for not knowing, for not being there …. but just as the thought of apologizing entered my mind, so too did the realization that there was no need. My Mother’s spirit spoke to me without the need for earthly words. Suddenly I knew that this was simply part of life and that she held no malice towards me.
Yes, sometimes she was lonely and that is normal for a Mother once her children have gone off on their own. It is real and should not be denied. It simply is.
So, like my Mother before me, I cried. I cried for the days when my home was filled with the giggles and screams of my children, for the days when I laughed over a game of cards with my Mother. I did not fight the tears and I did not seek out solace from my friend. Instead, I cried, and I healed, and I lived as my Mother had lived - authentically.
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And Sometimes She Was ...
skool.com/relationship2reconciliation
Sandi Boucher has dedicated her life to Canadian/Indigenous reconciliation but the lessons apply to everyone so welcome!!
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