I feel like raw meat supercharged my IQ, but in an unhealthy way, I hyper analyze the environment, its very difficult to describe but like, I look at a door and I don't see a door, I see the material, the grain, the origins, the story, where the material came from, like a factory in China, the logistics, the distributing through trucks, then I think about the person who installed the door, and how long that would have taken, then I think about my house, then I think about the philosophy of houses, and how its a holographic projection in front of me, and then I think about how I just wasted the last 15 minutes staring and thinking about this door. Than I think about time, and the origins of time, ETC ETC... So this basically applies to every single thing I look at in life, no matter what it is, I look at my food, I look at my raw milk, I haven't grown from my raw milk even after drinking it for 2 yrs, is it because I was too toxic, is my raw milk not good enough, so basically take the Door principle, and apply that to everything that exists in front of me, including my own existence, and this is what I have to deal with. it puts me in a state of paralaysis, like I cannot put my hand on anything long enough to make a permanent and lasting effect. It jumps from thing to thing. It kind of puts me in an existential crisis, but I understand that all I can do is move my "physical body" around, to do things, just to survive, because it cannot keep up with my mind. If I could channel this mental sporadity and electric, into things that actually mattered in this material world, I would be so fucking productive and the needle would move FAST, but I JUST can't do it. I really struggle with perfectionism, optimization, it never ends for me, I can't get it to go away. Like when I think about money, I think about how being stingy makes no sense, yet being careless also makes no sense, then I think about how budgeting is kind of ridiculous since rich people don't even think about how they spend their money and I want that. But I can't do that cause then I'd be broke.

Am I a slave for really enjoying this material thing (my new MacBook) which I have purchased with my man made money, from which I've "earned" from my man-made job? Which is man made and that technically nobody owns, and is alien technology according to Goatis? I personally think that the world in its current state is too boring and unfulfilling to not have like material pleasures, like a good sound system for blasting black metal, or watching content. Or like a nice truck instead of driving a piece of shit car. A nice bed instead of a boars rug (although floor sleeping is goated). You can minimalist maxx like, bloodsteal is trying right now, but is that really the best way? Is this fantasy of nature that Goatis speaks of really true? We don't live in nature, we don't have the constant stimulus and fulfillment we otherwise have. And that's not to say material things will give you that kind of fulfillment. But we could even take a new spiritual or philosophical look at life in which Men were here to come to earth to conquer and rise above nature, create militaries, weapons, civilizations, books, literature, art, etc. And that we were meant to dominate nature, create technology, and eventually be able to materialize things out of thin air. Because it is all a form of magic, which by definition is, (the science and art of causing change in conformity with will) And if we think about how to win, the Indians "natural" axes and tomahawks weapons were brutally mogged by white settlers more advanced weaponry. This is an example of how rising above nature can actually lead you to "win". Nuclear weapons mog everything. I believe that aliens (the ones who built the pyramids) oversee us. Nature is a construct. And these aliens themselves LITERALLY enjoy and use technology. That us dumb humans have no access too. So now I'm in a place where I believe nature is good but also rising above nature is also good. So like for an example, I have a man made beautiful house with gaming PC, but I would also go hunting and drink blood. But yeah we are still in enslavement, and this creates the circumstances of modern life.

so many things that I know I need to do, but would rather lay down and doom scroll, how can I flip this around, and accelerate the improvement of my life 10x, I find that I enjoy sitting still and planning or fantasizing about what I need to do, instead of actually doing anything

How to feel like a god at all times, all negativity brush past you, remain strong, not doomscrolling, not reminiscing and looking at old photos of ex, etc that kind of mellow dramatic nostalgic sadness.

Today I ate raw meat. It was chicken, about 300 grams, which had been in the refrigerator for five or six days. When I tasted it, it was a bit spoiled, or it was starting to decompose. Because of that, I gagged when eating a little of it. I had to cover my nose while swallowing it. By the time I was halfway through the meal, I was already able to eat it with almost no urge to vomit. I’m going to explain what I felt. While eating it, I felt a slight massage on my skull, on my brain, and I felt a calm and a stillness that I had never experienced before with any other raw food. I was unable to blink. My eyes were wide open, alert, stalking. When I looked at myself in the mirror, my pupils were black and dilated, like those of a cat about to hunt. I was listening to a YouTube video, but I could only hear it in the background. My inner voice had gone silent. I had to make a very great physical effort to be able to form the language of my inner voice. I was in the present moment. I was unable to think about the future or the past, and I say this because I was making this effort very consciously and with full intention, and even so I was unable. I entered a state of total presence. Has anything like this ever happened to you?