The Quiet Collapse of Men And Why No One Wants to Admit the Cause A woman once asked a painful question in a counseling session. “Why did he give up on me?” It sounds like a relationship question, but it is actually a civilizational one. Because across the world, men are not slowly changing. They are withdrawing. Not loudly. Not rebelliously. Quietly. And the data confirms what many families are feeling but cannot articulate. In North America and Europe, men make up roughly 75 to 80 percent of all suicides. Men are significantly less likely to seek psychological help. Boys are falling behind girls in education at nearly every level. Marriage rates are dropping. Fatherlessness is rising. Loneliness among men has reached record levels. This did not happen in a vacuum. Men Did Not Become Emotionally Unavailable They Became Emotionally Unsafe Modern culture tells men to open up. But it punishes them when they do. Anger is labeled toxicity. Boundaries are called insecurity. Leadership is reframed as control. Standards are described as oppression. So men learn fast. Speak less. Reveal nothing. Withdraw emotionally to survive socially. Label a man long enough, and eventually he will stop speaking. Not because he has nothing to say. But because every word becomes evidence against him. Then people ask, almost confused, “Why are men not stepping up?” Because you taught them that stepping up is a moral failure. The Permanent Defendant Problem In today’s social climate, men are rarely seen as contributors. They are seen as suspects. Whatever a man does, he is already guilty. If he leads, he is domineering. If he protects, he is possessive. If he decides, he is controlling. If he hesitates, he is weak. That is not balance. That is psychological entrapment. And no human being thrives when they are treated as a permanent defendant. A society that constantly shames men for being men will not produce softer husbands or better fathers. It will produce absent men.

Today marks the beginning of the blessed month of Shaʿbān. Shaʿbān is not a filler month. It is not a quiet gap before Ramaḍān. It is a preparation month that many neglect, and that neglect is exactly why it matters. Usāmah ibn Zayd Raḍiyallāhu ʿanhu said: > I said, “O Messenger of Allah, I do not see you fasting in any month as much as you fast in Shaʿbān.” The Prophet Muḥammad Ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam replied: “That is a month people neglect, between Rajab and Ramaḍān. It is a month in which deeds are raised to the Lord of the worlds, and I love that my deeds be raised while I am fasting.” Reported by An Nasā’ī and graded Ḥasan by scholars This one Hadith alone tells us everything. Shaʿbān is about preparing your heart before your body. It is about repairing your inner state before Ramaḍān arrives. *What Makes Shaʿbān Special* 1. Deeds are raised to Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā This is not symbolic. This is real accountability. The Prophet Muḥammad Ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam chose fasting in Shaʿbān for this reason. 2. The Prophet increased voluntary fasting ʿĀ’ishah Raḍiyallāhu ʿanhā said: > “The Messenger of Allah Ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam used to fast so much in Shaʿbān that we would say he fasted all of it.” Ṣaḥīḥ al Bukhārī and Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 3. Shaʿbān is spiritual training Ramaḍān is not meant to shock the soul. Shaʿbān softens it first. *Shaʿbān and Mental Health* From a psychological perspective, sudden spiritual overload leads to burnout. Many people enter Ramaḍān emotionally unprepared, spiritually rusty, and mentally overwhelmed. Shaʿbān solves this. • It rebuilds routine slowly • It regulates impulses through voluntary fasting • It trains consistency before obligation • It reduces anxiety by creating spiritual momentum Islam does not push the soul violently. It prepares it gently. That is Shaʿbān. *What To Do in Shaʿbān* You do not need extremes. You need consistency. • Fast some days, especially Mondays and Thursdays • Increase istighfār and quiet dhikr

Brothers, Friday is not just another day. It is a pause that Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā placed in the week so the heart can recalibrate before the next cycle begins. Many of us are not struggling because we are lazy. We are struggling because our minds are overloaded, our emotions are unprocessed, and our days lack structure. Psychology confirms this, and Islam has always acknowledged it. When the heart is heavy, discipline collapses. When discipline collapses, guilt grows. And guilt without guidance leads to avoidance. Today is a chance to reset without self hatred. Ask yourself quietly: Where did my time go this week What drained me the most What gave me even a small sense of strength You do not need dramatic change. You need clarity and intention. The Prophet Muḥammad Ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam taught us that the most beloved deeds to Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā are those that are consistent even if they are small. Consistency builds trust with yourself. Trust builds discipline. Discipline restores dignity. Before the day ends, do three simple things: Pray one ṣalāh with full presence Make one sincere duʿā for steadiness Forgive yourself for where you fell and renew your intention You are not behind. You are in the process. May Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā place barakah in your time, clarity in your mind, strength in your resolve, and mercy in your heart. We continue together.