You cannot be envious and grateful at the same time

I wanted to share something that happened to me! I am a pretty good mom. Always room for improvement. I am never the mom that shows up to the school parties and fund raisers with homemade treats or great crafts and games. I am there, but never have the time or confidence to go the extra mile and I secretly judge myself for this shortcoming. There is a mom whose daughter has gone to my son’s school. We have known each other in passing for 8 years. She is that rock star mom. She is the mom that makes all of us other “bad or less than” moms feel more guilt and shame. I am ashamed to say that I envied her and it kept me from connecting. So… I wrote a thank you note. I thanked for always being the mom that makes the kids school parties a huge success. I thanked her for always taking photos of the events that she attended and making a point to share them with the other moms and dads that couldn’t attend. I thanked her for her creativity and her cooking. I recognized her efforts and how hard it must be to manage it all and have a full time job. She is truly amazing and I let that flow in my words. I sheepishly handed her the card and went about my day. She chased me down after school and as the tears started to flow she thanked me for thanking her. She thanked me for recognizing everything she does and that it isn’t easy but she loves it. NO ONE HAD EVER THANKED HER. 8 years of multiple holiday parties, school events, PTA meetings, fundraisers and NO ONE had thanked her. WOW. I told her that we all see her but were secretly judging ourselves for our shortcomings and it kept us from reaching out. I promised her that even though I won’t have the most spectacular homemade contribution for future parties, I will be reaching out weeks ahead of every party to see how I can help her. And now, we have a date for coffee next week!

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