I chose to end my marriage today. I told my wife "I need to be honest with you. I can’t stay in this marriage. I’ve talked to a lawyer to understand the steps, and I’m going to move into an apartment so we can shift into a stable co-parenting setup. This isn’t about a single moment. It’s just where I’ve landed after everything. I’m not trying to fight. I’m just moving forward." I did one last check on her devices last night and found that she was still talking to the affair partner in a sexual way, which she has continued to lie about. I don't need to get into the details, but it was bad enough that I knew this was the moment of no return. I know I'm still committed to working on myself, learning how to effectively co-parent, reconnecting to my hobbies and passions, improving my health, and journaling. The decision to end my marriage doesn't change any of that. But I'm wresting with the decision even though I know it's the right one. I saw something that said "Avoidant behaviors collapse when the “fallback partner” is gone. Affair dynamics crumble without secrecy and distance." The realization that I've become the fallback partner has helped me find the clarity I needed. I am concerned for her mental health as she deals with the fallout, but I also acknowledge that is no longer my weight to bear. It only matters how she shows up for our kids. I know I've only been with this group for a short time, and I know this isn't the outcome any of us are looking for, but it feels right in the moment. I hope to continue participating here for the sake of my own growth, and thank you to everyone who has provided even a little bit of support over the past 5 weeks. There's still a lot of pain and trauma to deal with as I move into this process with her, but finding clarity, even only for a moment, has been a lifesaver.

Hope some of you join me.

I though the VIA strength finder was interesting. It's $20 to see detailed results of your top 5 strengths. Mine were: 1. Honesty 2. Humor 3. Leadership 4. Kindness 5. Love https://personality.co/strengths-finder-test?gclid=Cj0KCQiAyvHLBhDlARIsAHxl6xqbq4eYO0RGDdD6VlQmky1X1-4iSdLxTaZdBG_6yw1IKzZlKRULjRUaAvclEALw_wcB&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=23296896413&utm_content=187856919294&utm_term=via%20survey%20of%20character%20strengths&matchtype=e&device=c&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23296896413&gbraid=0AAAABCDT4dxFAnvxM7EUG0wD0MaFLrd7_&gclid=Cj0KCQiAyvHLBhDlARIsAHxl6xqbq4eYO0RGDdD6VlQmky1X1-4iSdLxTaZdBG_6yw1IKzZlKRULjRUaAvclEALw_wcB

Join us this Wednesday from 1 -2 pm EST as we talk about Paralysis Analysis and how this phenomenon keeps men stuck while healing from infidelity. It will be hosted right here through the calendar. See you then!

D day for me is 5 months ago, and in the days after I was a mess. Completely alone with my daughters leaving for college with the woman I loved and who I thought loved me. Until I found out she had an affair and spent 20k on credit cards. We had a happy marriage. My wife confirmed this a day or two after D day. None of this made sense, so I tried to make sense of it all. Affair books, Chat GPT, podcasts, MC, and The Forge. Recently Paul and I spoke about the difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. Forgiveness is FOR ME, and will allow me to put aside all of my anger and confusion and take a step back from the confusion. As I recently told another guy in the group, “she broke it, she bought it”. So as I work on forgiveness, I sit back and wait to see if reconciliation is even an option. That ball is mostly in her court. It’s a work in progress, but it gives me something to work towards for myself, not for her, and not for our relationship. When I was trying to fix everything, I would mostly end up frustrated and resentful.