You tell yourself the same story every holiday season: "This year I'll be more patient. This year I won't snap. This year will be different." Then your parent asks you the same question for the fifth time in an hour. Or accuses you of something that never happened. Or gets upset over a happy memory you tried to share. And you feel it. That tension in your jaw, your chest tightening, your patience gone. Then comes the guilt. The shame. The feeling that you're failing them. But here's what's really happening: their brain is reliving memories instead of remembering them. Your cortisol has been elevated for months (or years). Two dysregulated nervous systems are trying to create a peaceful moment together. You're not failing. You're frying. Episode 2 breaks down the neuroscience of why holiday caregiving is so hard and gives you actual tools to regulate your nervous system before you walk back into that room. Listen now 🎙️ https://therawonion.substack.com/

As 2026 approaches, there’s something worth understanding about how we create our experience. Not everything is within our control. But more than we might realize actually is. And it starts with something simple: where we place our attention. The Brain’s Hidden Filter Right now, your brain is filtering reality for you. There’s too much information coming in every moment for you to process it all. Millions of sensory inputs. Countless details. So your brain has a filter called the reticular activating system that decides what you notice and what you ignore. Here’s what makes this powerful: the filter shows you more of whatever you’re already focusing on. Focus on possibilities? Your brain starts highlighting opportunities. People who could help. Ideas that might work. Small steps that feel doable. Focus on fear? Your brain shows you obstacles. Reasons things won’t work. Stories of failure. Everything that could go wrong. Same world around you. Different filter inside you. Completely different experience. This is why two people can face the same situation and have totally opposite reactions. They’re literally seeing different things because their brains are filtering for different information. When Fear Takes Over Here’s what happens in your brain when fear or worry takes hold. The amygdala activates. That’s your threat-detection center. And it can’t tell the difference between real danger happening right now and imagined danger you’re thinking about for next month. Both trigger the same stress response. When that happens, your prefrontal cortex starts going offline. That’s the part responsible for creativity, problem-solving, and good decision-making. The exact things you need to move forward. So fear doesn’t just feel bad. It actually shuts down the part of your brain that could help you navigate through challenges. But there’s a way to shift this. How Breath Creates Space Take a slow, deep breath right now. Four counts in. Hold for four. Six counts out.

Thank you for being here. To everyone who reads and support, I'm genuinely grateful. Knowing you're on the other end of these words makes all the difference. Whether you've been here since the beginning or just joined, whether you read every post or catch up when you can, thank you for your time and attention. In a world overflowing with content, the fact that you choose to spend some of your time with my writing means more than I can say. Your engagement transforms this from a one-way broadcast into something far more meaningful. Every comment and like tells me I'm not alone in finding these topics worth exploring. That connection is what keeps me writing, and I'm truly grateful for it. With gratitude 🙇‍♀️🙏