10d • General discussion
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
Have you ever experienced that not accepting something in your life ends up worsening your suffering?
Pain is a constant in life, just like situations we don't like, such as injustices and unexpected events. It's also a reality that we can't always change what we disagree with. Sometimes we use our thoughts and behavior to try to understand, fix, change, or "get over" what can't be changed at that moment, which can become a problem because those efforts often end up making the experience worse for us or those around us.
That's why some mental health experts propose practicing a distress tolerance skill called RADICAL ACCEPTANCE: radical means complete, from the root, totally; it's accepting something deeply, accepting the whole path, with your mind, heart, and body; it's when you stop fighting reality, stop throwing tantrums because reality isn't what you want, and stop bittering yourself about it. It's opening up to fully experience what's happening in that moment. It doesn't mean you have to like what you're experiencing; it means you recognize what's there, even if you don't like it.
WHAT RADICAL ACCEPTANCE IS NOT
It's not giving up or approving.
It's not passivity or opposition to change.
It's not compassion.
It's not fatalism or resignation.
WHY RADICALLY ACCEPT?
Rejecting reality doesn't change it. Having the possibility to change reality requires first accepting it as it is, because radical acceptance transforms unbearable suffering into bearable pain.
Pain can't be avoided; it's the natural way to signal something is wrong.
Rejecting reality turns pain into suffering.
Refusing to accept reality can keep you trapped in unhappiness, bitterness, anger, sadness, shame, or other painful emotions.
Acceptance can lead to sadness, but it's usually followed by a deep calm.
FACTORS THAT INTERFERE WITH RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
1. You don't have acceptance skills; you don't know how to accept truly painful facts and events.
2. You think that if you accept a painful event, you're ignoring or approving the facts, and that nothing will be done to change or prevent future painful events.
3. Emotions get in the way (unbearable sadness; anger at the person or group that caused the event; rage at the world's injustice; overwhelming shame about who you are; guilt over your own behavior).
Do you know any other reason why it's hard for us to practice radical acceptance?
Would you like me to share a step-by-step guide to practice radical acceptance?
The bottom line is that if you're in hell, the only way out is to go through a period of sustained misery. Misery is, of course, much better than hell, but it's still painful. By refusing to accept the misery needed to get out of hell, you end up falling back into it repeatedly, only to start over again.
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RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
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