Feb 18 (edited) • Friendship 👥
Seneca On Friendship (STOICISM COURSE COMING SOON)
The wise man "self-contented as he is (...) does not need friends - and yet wants as many of them as possible - not to enable him to lead a happy life; this he will have even without friends (Seneca, Letter IX. p51)."
To help you understand what this could possibly mean, we are releasing a new page as part of our Stoicism course.
The "supreme ideal" of stoicism "does not call for any external aids (because) once it starts looking outside itself for any part of itself it is on the way to being dominated by fortune (Seneca, Letter IX. p51)." All of Seneca's "valuable possessions" are with him: "Meaning the qualities of a just, a good and enlightened character" since it was his belief that nothing should be regarded as valuable that is capable of being taken away (Seneca, Letter IX p52). In this way we should be content with ourselves that we are "able to do without friends" but this does not mean that we "desire to be without them (Seneca, Letter IX. p48)."
You'll get:
- An understanding of how to deal with losing friends.
- A new outlook on friendships based on dignity.
🔓 AND... IT'LL BE FREE & AVAILABLE TO ALL MEMBERS
Seneca makes three points about friendships (Seneca, 2004 p52)
- There is a "natural instinct drawing one human being to another" and "something inherent in it that stimulates us into seeking friendships (p52)."
- It is important to harness the skill of making friends. Since 'just as Phidias can carve another statue straight away if he loses one, so our wise man with his skill in the art of friend making will fill the place of someone he has lost (p48)."
- "To procure friendship only for better and not for worse is to rob it of all its dignity (p51)." Since a person adopted as a friend for the sake of his usefulness will be cultivated only for so long as he is useful (p50)."
Seneca's letter IX is a direct criticism of Epicurus' views on friendship. Epicureans thought friendship was a natural and necessary desire because it removed the mental pains of anxiety: knowing someone is there for you when times are tough.In the eyes of a stoic this is almost a sin. Seneca says that "anyone thinking of his own interest and seeking out friendship in this view is making a great mistake (Seneca, Letter IX. p49)." Rather than wishing we had friends to help us when we are in trouble, "on the contrary (Seneca's wise man will make friends so that he) may have someone by whose sickbed he himself may sit, or whom he may himself release when (his friend) is held prisoner by hostile hands (Seneca, Letter IX. p49)."
The stoic solution for being stuck between a rock and a hard place is to retire to your inner self, your own company. As long as you remain in a position to order your affairs according to your own judgement, you remain self-content. You should not rely on friends for this (Seneca, Letter IX p51-52).
If friendships are based on selfish grounds, you can expect your 'friends' to run away as soon as there is testing point. When I attempted to predicate friendships on what I could provide (footballs at school, providing parties, buying alcohol etc) sure people came to me, I was no longer alone, but as Seneca says "a person who starts being friends with you because it pays him will similarly cease to be friends because it pays him to do so (Seneca, Letter IX p50)."
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Seneca On Friendship (STOICISM COURSE COMING SOON)
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