13d • Weekly Shifts
Look Back, Not Ahead
I caught myself doing the math again this week...
How many members in my Skool community I thought I'd have by now or how many new followers on Instagram and TikTok.
Where I thought I'd be in life, having kids, the house with the white fence.. The list can go on and on.
And I realized I was measuring my whole life from the wrong end.
I read The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani a while back, and one idea got stuck with me. He borrows it from Dan Sullivan and calls it the reverse gap.
Most of us measure progress by staring at the goal and counting how far away it is. So we feel behind. Every time. The goal moves the moment we get close.
The reverse gap flips the direction. Instead of measuring from where you are to where you want to be, you measure from where you started to where you are now.
Same life. Completely different feeling.
When I look at the gap ahead of me, my neural system gets tight and rushed. When I look at the distance I've traveled, my breath gets deeper into my belly and my shoulders come down. I stop feeling stressed.
Looking ahead says "not there yet." Looking back says "I'm safe enough to keep going."
You don't have to drop the big vision. Lakhiani's point is to keep it and just not tie your happiness to it. Happy now, pulled forward by the vision. Both.
Here are three things I invite you to try this week:
- The Reverse Gap List. Set a timer for 10 minutes and write down everything you've created, survived, learned or let go of since you started this path. Big and small. The things that feel ordinary to you count too.
- Change the measuring stick. Next time you feel behind, ask yourself what you're measuring against. If it's an imagined future version of you, ask instead: where was I a year ago on this exact thing? Answer in one sentence.
- Thank the You who started. Write two or three sentences to the version of you from a year ago. Thank that version of you for one specific thing that you did, even when it was scary or you had no idea if it would work, that you're benefiting from today.
Drop one line from your list in the comments. Something you couldn't do a year ago that you can do now. I'll go first: a year ago I would never have been so honest and raw and sharing my story so openly on social media because I was afraid of being judged.
Much love,
Neda
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Look Back, Not Ahead
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