This weekend humbled me

Last week I posted on Instagram questioning what if all of this is happening for our greatest good? Everything is happening for us not to us

This week my family sits on the periphery of a deep grief portal. Not directly involved, but close enough to see the devastation of death. Again.

And there is my belief, slapping me in the face.

How can this be for our greatest good? How is this working for us ?

I believe life is a spiral. We return to the same points, the same beliefs, again and again, each time from a different place, a different angle. That’s what I feel happening here. I’ve been to this belief before. I’m back at it now, but standing somewhere new, seeing it from a side I couldn’t have seen last time. And the question is can I come back to it without an agenda. Not gripping it to make it true, not needing it to hold so that I can feel okay. Just asking, honestly, does this still hold for me?

And it isn’t only that one belief. It’s all of them. That everything is happening for us, not to us. That we are infinite souls, all of what I've come to understand from my experience with Honey.

I believe all of it. And still, some of these beliefs sit easy in me, while others ask more of me in moments like this.

I don’t have the answer today, and I’m not sure I’m meant to. But alongside the questioning there has been guidance.

Signs. Synchronicity. A sense that my understanding is deepening, even here.

I am consciously intending to stay present with the devastation I am witnessing, the ache I feel for them, and still hold that everything is happening for us. Both live in me at once. The ache doesn’t cancel the belief. The belief doesn’t numb the ache. I feel this is the work for me.

Not choosing between them, but letting both be true.

I’m not resolving it. I’m not making it make sense. I’m holding it gently, consciously with curiosity and intention.

Humbled, still questioning, and more sure than ever that this is exactly where I’m meant to be.

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This weekend humbled me