Allow Me To Be Vulnerable For A Minute… 🧡

Last night I had a dream about my husband, and I woke up in tears. Not because I want to go back…. but because healing is complicated.

I left my marriage because it was not healthy for me. And my mind sometimes misses what I thought I had… or maybe what I hoped it would one day become. Not him…. not who he is… but the illusion of the love, covering, safety, and partnership I longed for.

I want to be really clear:

This is not to bash him. This is about my healing journey.

The world has made healing sound soft and pretty… like it always feels peaceful and sweet and “God’s got me.

But can I be honest?

Healing hurts.

Healing means:

• Being honest with yourself

• Sitting with grief

• Acknowledging loss

• Facing truth

• Choosing not to go back…. even when it feels easier than moving forward

Sometimes healing feels like your heart is being ripped open… not because you want the past back, but because you’re finally letting yourself feel what you once ignored.

And yes… sometimes I cry.

Sometimes I grieve the dream.

Sometimes my heart aches for what I wished marriage felt like.

But even in that… God is kind.

It reminds me of Israel leaving Egypt. The wilderness was painful… unfamiliar… uncomfortable. And they said, “At least in Egypt we had meat and bread.” But Egypt was bondage. And God was still faithful..providing manna every morning. Freedom didn’t always feel good … but it was still freedom.

So my prayer lately has been:

“God… even when going back feels easier… thank You for my Exodus. Thank You for leading me out ..even when the wilderness hurts. Thank You for the manna — the daily strength, the unseen provision, the healing I didn’t know I needed. Prepare my heart.. so when You lead me into the promised place …I’ll be whole, grounded, and healed.”

If you’re healing from anything

childhood wounds

marriage pain

church hurt

grief

betrayal

identity loss

…please hear me:

Healing is not always pretty.

It does not always feel strong.

Sometimes it is tears, silence, honesty, and surrender.

But God meets you there.