Facing the most unbearable instances of grief I have discovered I do not need “help” to deal with raw emotions of love. That “help” would only distort or destroy what is left and is still beautiful to remember. I have lost and not used, I have even been in MY stomping grounds of hometown and stood tall and restrained myself. A couple years later and I am losing a beautiful woman to her disappearing memories. Heart wrenching and gut twisting. I know it deep in my soul that I do not need what I once thought was “help”. I DO NEED TO KEEP GOING: keep up with self care, recovery activities, maintain healthy relationships and go to therapy/meetings/coffee hour and church. KEEP GOING WITH REAL HELP! Proven help. Not the deceitful “help” that buried me in the first place.