I've spent years of my life as a Holistic Grief Educator and Grief Coach sitting with people in the middle of the hardest thing they will ever go through. For years I’ve trained others in how to show up for grievers in conscious, compassionate ways. But I’ve also spent a good portion of my life coming to terms with how to best navigate my own numerous losses, trauma, and grief. So let me tell you the handful of things I wish everyone understood about grief before they ever needed to know them - both as a professional grief supporter and as a serial [albeit reluctant] griever. These are really good things to know before you join the club no one wants to be a member of, before you begin the journey of reinventing your life around your loss and find yourself looking for support and comfort in a culture that wants little, if anything, to do with dying, death, loss, and grief. 1. Grief exists because of love and connection. That's really the whole thing, if I had to boil it down to one sentence. If you didn't love, you wouldn't be grieving. If there had not been a connection, an attachment, you would not be missing and mourning them. So when you're in it — when it's overwhelming, when it doesn't make sense, when you can't explain to anyone why you're still crying in the car eleven months later — I want you to remember that what you're feeling is love with nowhere physical left to land. It's not a malfunction. It's proof that your heart, your mind, your spirit and body were connected to something that mattered. 2. Grief is not a problem to be fixed. Our modern, Western culture loves to fix things. We're very mind-oriented, very solution-focused, very "let's move past this quickly" as a society. But grief doesn't respond to that kind of pressure, and trying to force it to actually creates more suffering, not less. Especially when a griever is treated by [often well-meaning] others as a problem to be solved, not as a person in deep pain. You cannot think your way out of grief, and you're not supposed to. Grieving is actually the way you heal the pain of loss — it is the healing, not an obstacle standing in the way of it. 3. Grief is not “depression”. Grief and depression can look similar from the outside — the exhaustion, the sleep trouble, the trouble concentrating — but grief moves, in waves, expansion and contraction, like breathing, like a tide. It responds to the person you loved: a birthday, a song, an anniversary can bring it roaring back years later, and that's not regression, that's just how grief is stored. Depression tends to sit flat and doesn't move that way. And feeling numb doesn't mean you didn't love enough. More often, it means your nervous system is protecting you from more pain than it can process in one sitting. Grief is a very complex human response to loss, and even when grief becomes clinically impairing, understanding its unique emotional, relational, social, spiritual, and existential dimensions remains essential.* 4. Grief is not made up of linear stages. There is no five-step staircase in grief that you climb until you reach the top and call it "over." I know that model is pervasive in our culture, but it was actually built by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ incredible work and profoundly important research in hospitals speaking with hundreds of terminally ill patients, to describe how someone comes to terms with their own death, not how we mourn the loss of someone else. Grief moves in outward concentric circles like a stone dropped in a pond, it comes in waves and changes in spirals, not a straight line, and you are not doing it wrong just because it doesn't look tidy or meet some chronological order or expectation. 5. You don't have to “let go” to heal. For most of the last century in traditional grief counseling, we were told that healthy grieving meant detaching from the person we lost and “moving on”. I think that's backwards. Staying connected — talking to them, feeling their presence, honoring them, living out and celebrating [and keeping alive] the unique and beautiful aspects that were the hallmarks of their life — is, for most people, a source of real comfort and stability, not a sign of being stuck. Finding ways to shift your connection from the physical to the non physical - through ritual, communication, stories, expression, active imagination, purpose, memorials, and more - helps your grief evolve in a healthy way. Neuroscience is finally backing this up with real research into how the brain grieves**. The relationship changes shape. It doesn't have to end. 6. Grief touches every part of you, not just your emotions. Your body carries it and shouts to be heard with a laundry list of symptoms like exhaustion, insomnia, headaches, lethargy, and mysterious pains. Your brain is doing real, physical [exhausting] work to relearn a world that no longer includes someone it expected to find there. Your spirit and your sense of meaning get shaken - many people experience a true dark night of the soul where they question everything that kept order before the loss. Your nervous system reorganizes around a loss of connection that translated into emotional safety. Your mind works overtime to rationalize the loss and assign blame or guilt with endless rounds of “why?” and “if only” getting caught in whirlpools of the past. This is why grief can feel so disorienting — it's not one experience, it's several, all happening in you at once, on their own separate timelines and with their own perspectives and languages. 7. Grief must be seen and heard. And please, if you take only one thing from this: grief that isn't allowed to be seen doesn't disappear. The loss that got minimized, the relationship nobody validated, the pet everyone told you to just replace, the underlying trauma of compounded or back to back losses — all of that grief is real, and it deserves to be witnessed, not managed, minimized, or rushed, solved or bright-sided with statements like “they’re in a better place.” You deserve support that sees you, honors your grief and how changes you, that honors your Loved One and your connection with them, and honors your unique experience. 8. Grief doesn’t have to turn into a lesson or something “better” to be valid. You do not have to turn the worst things in your life into better things. Sometimes pain is pain. We’re all going to experience loss. Sometimes that becomes an experience that changes our lives, and helps us evolve or access deeper versions of ourselves, and sometimes it doesn’t. Adding pressure to rush to “evolve” is bright siding and doesn’t help grief. It skips over important aspects of grieving that deserve our full attention. There’s no fast track through grief routed through helping others. It takes what it takes. For some, grief cracks them open and changes them and leads them to find deeper meaning in life and perhaps a new purpose in serving others like the people I teach in my courses, for others, not. I sometimes see people eager to chase down others who need support with the new purpose that loss has brought to them. Offering support and compassion for others in loss is a beautiful and powerful thing, yet sometimes it can be a way of avoiding one’s own pain. Grief is most definitely a transformative experience. It changes us as only a dark night of the soul can. Grief and trauma evolve us - whether we want them to or not, but grieving and healing trauma do not need the pressure of having to become a butterfly while you are deep in it. Modern society rushes to fix or heal or assign meaning to every single experience - often without the benefit of enough lived experience to bring perspective. Time brings perspective. Feeling our feelings brings perspective. Being with our grief, embodying, it brings perspective. Perhaps your experience teaches you something or brings you to a place of helping others… and perhaps it does not. Your grief is still valid and does not need to be justified. The caterpillar is beautiful and perfect too. Go easy on yourself in your grief. 9. Your experience of grief is unique. You, your Loved One, and the connection that you had together has never existed in the history of the universe. Your loss and your grief are utterly unique. There are so many factors that contribute to your grief experience; your identity and life history, your relationship with your Loved One, the way you were raised, the society you grew up in, any belief systems, past experiences of trauma and loss, the way you relate to life and death, even your ancestors, experience of loss and trauma - all of these things inform your grief. You have a unique thumbprint that is your grief. Finding the right kind of support that resonates with you and that sees and honors you and your grief is essential. Find what works for you. Some people do well in support groups, some do not. Gentler forms of grief support in group now exist in the form of sound baths, yoga classes, guided meditations, ceremony and celebration, nature and support animal therapy, food gatherings, creative art workshops; support doesn’t have to be the circle of metal chairs where everyone shares a different story. As an empathic, highly sensitive, trauma survivor, traditional support groups were a poor fit for me. I was so bombarded by other people’s needs that none of mine were met. I found that one on one grief support with a trained professional along with a combination of gentle grief movement work, creative art therapy, ritual, active imagination and dream work, writing, nature and animal support, and sound therapy, was the best fit for my needs. My search for the right kind of support for someone like me led me to create my courses and the Mourning Goods brand of resources, trainings, and support to help other others like me who need to find their own personal recipe of how to navigate grief.

You've heard them. You've probably said some of them. Most of us have, in moments of not knowing what else to say: "Everything happens for a reason." "They're in a better place." "Heaven needed another angel." "At least they're not suffering anymore." “They are with God now.” "You have so much to be grateful for." “It was part of their Karma.” These phrases come from a place of love. They come from the genuine desire to ease pain — from the human impulse to reach for comfort when comfort feels desperately needed. And they land, almost universally, like a door closing. What Is Spiritual Bypassing? The term "spiritual bypassing" was coined by psychologist John Welwood to describe the use of spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep unresolved emotional issues — to use spirituality as a way of avoiding, rather than engaging with, the difficult material of human experience. In grief, spiritual bypassing looks like using spiritual language to shortcut the grieving process. To skip from the raw and ragged reality of loss to the "lesson" or the "meaning" or the "silver lining" before the person has had time to actually feel and move through what has happened. It is almost always done with good intentions. And it almost always causes harm. Why It Hurts More Than Just Feelings When someone in acute grief hears "everything happens for a reason," here is what it often communicates to them (even if that's not the intention): Your pain is not welcome here. I can’t sit with you in this. Please find your way to an acceptable feeling so that I can feel comfortable again. I need you to see loss and spirituality the way I do. It also, for many people, implies that their loss was supposed to happen. That it was ‘ordained’. That they should be able to locate the meaning and move on. For a parent who has lost a child. For someone whose loss was violent or senseless. For anyone in the early rawness of devastating grief — this is not comfort. It is isolation, and sometimes it is profoundly re-traumatizing.

“The love we found, the love we found, we carry with us so we’re never quite alone.” ~ The cast of The Muppet Christmas Carol song composed by Paul Williams 💚❤️💚 ❤️❤️ Comment HOLIDAYS for my ‘Navigating the Holidays’ supportive master classes, a $199 value, FREE! ❤️❤️ Hi I’m trauma-informed Holistic Grief Educator and Grief Coach Pamela Ann Noxon and no matter who someone is missing, I want to help you help them find the inspiration and tools to make grieving at this time of year a little more bearable. But please keep in mind; we don’t fix grief. Grief is not a pathology and it has no solution. Grief is one of the most natural and human things we will ever experience and we will all experience it. Grief is actually love. But you can learn the type of conscious support that everyone deserves that helps support them as they hold grief’s hand for the rest of their life. Supporting them in ways that will make a real difference. Supporting them holistically; in mind, body, nervous system, emotions, spirit, and soul. In this powerful and helpful series I cover topics like: *Dealing with the World; managing people, family, friends, and coworkers in grief. *To Celebrate or not to Celebrate; How to handle the holidays when everything is different. *A Griever’s Rights; understanding a griever’s basic rights and how to set a safe mindset. *Finding a Light in the Darkness; ways to manage in the darkness of grief and loss. *Secrets of Holistic Grief Support; people have been navigating Grief for millennia, discover ancient and natural, holistic ways to help support others in their grief journey. * The 3 Cs of Healthy Grieving; Connection, Compassion, and Care to help anyone face the new year. “As always another great session. I can’t thank you enough for doing these live sessions. It is so very kind of you to give your precious wisdom and insight as we try to adjust to the loss of our Loved Ones. The kindness and compassion in your voice reflects your love light, which shines so bright. Thank you again. ”

Did you know that grievers have rights? Understanding them and embodying them can be a solid foundation for anyone to navigate loss - especially around the holidays. Trauma-informed Holistic Grief educator and Grief Coach and Founder of Mourning Goods, Pamela Ann Noxon shares her wisdom and holistic conscious and loving style to help support grievers. This video and all information is for adults and can be helpful for anyone in grief. No information is to be considered therapy or medical advice. By viewing you agree to all terms please see website for complete policies. HANDOUT LINK: https://drive.google.c... For more information or to work with or get certified as a Holistic Grief Coach with Pamela please communicate via: https://www.mourninggo... Holistic Grief Coaching Is Not: ~ A substitute for a therapist, psychiatrist, or medical professional. ~ Emergency support. Emotional processing occurs during scheduled sessions. Pamela is not available for crisis communication outside of appointments. ~ A guarantee of specific outcomes. Every grief journey is unique; coaching supports your capacity for insight, resilience, and integration. Holistic grief coaching focuses on personal growth, meaning-making, and navigating life after loss through a non-clinical, integrative, and supportive approach. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or crisis, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. Coaching is not designed for crisis intervention.