4d • General discussion
#freewill
Today, I chose to get rid of my car that has been costing me more than it really brings me. I am quite broke and I know I won't be able to buy another one. It's quite scary because I associate that with a feeling of being kept in a space that is getting smaller and smaller. I'm healing from a condition that kept me almost totally unable to do anything and now that it's getting better, something new comes to paralize me in another way. That makes me feel persecuted by an invisible enemy. My biggest fear not having a car is not being able to go to the vet for my cats if they have an emergency. I recently lost one of them and I'm devastated. I know it's very specific. This is a fear of feeling responsible for things I have no control over, meaning life and death. I have no one in my life except them so no one to help me if I need to. Strangely, each time my car have an issue, one of them get sick and need treatment... This is the case right now. I can see how my fears shape my reality. This time, however, instead of being scared to lose them, instead of spending money I don't have, instead of worrying to the point of not being able to function, I will let all go. I will get rid of the car and be confident that solutions exist (they actually do, I just keep forgetting in the midst of fear delirium). That this is not the end. That I don't have to hold on an illusion of security that in reality costs me my peace. Today, I decide that I will react to pressure the exact opposite way I did so far. Just to get out of insanity. That's a long one sorry. (I'm able to go to the vet, by the way 🙂)
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#freewill
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