https://youtu.be/4J6Zczz14nI?is=P9T0ohLmQSymEPK3

There, that’s it. That’s what I am providing here. It’s permission to just let your shit go 🧡🦋🧡

Wow! Tonight I had this sharp feeling in my boob. It gave me a flashback to pain I’ve had before when I had a cancer boob and lymph system. My wisdom told me it’s ok and gently guided me away. My brain, however, had other ideas and dragged me right back to that place. The place of oh my fucking god, please please please help me! There’s no denying it, cancer is scary. Cancer, in and of itself isn’t, but the way our mind weaves worst case scenarios into the narrative is. The worst thing though, is that the fear is as dangerous as the cancer. Fear helps drive the growth and spread of the disease. But the fear grabs you and grips you in a death hold. It tells you that you are going to die. And it creates this sense of total loss of control over life and health. It’s torturous, so fucking torturous. Even years of getting good blood work and no evidence of disease, that fear is still there, waiting in the wings for its spotlight moment. I have worked so hard on myself, on my mindset and my ability to recognise wisdom from chatter. I have healed myself from metastatic breast cancer, and I’d do it again. So in those moments of falling for the mental bullshit, a part of me is like a pit bull waiting to take down any sign of cancer. I get fierce and I stand strong, and that’s great. But what I do after that big pep talk and fierce self protection; is to yield. Just yield. I allow that intense sensation of nail biting fear, wash over me. Head to toe, wherever it lands. I’m just aware of it. I don’t react to it, I just let it be there, until it’s no longer there. Tonight it brought me tears. The tears were tears I hadn’t cried before. They were love for myself and everything I’d been through, that I hadn’t yet processed. Giving space to those tears was reaching out and giving myself the love that I needed, that I need. The tears were fleeting, but they were acknowledged and given space. That’s healing in a nutshell. It’s not big and fancy, it’s a series of small gestures of presence for ourselves. It’s allowing ourselves to feel whatever it is we feel in that moment and not asking for it to be any different. It can’t be different, because in that moment it isn’t.