13d • General discussion
The Days You’re Running Low
Have you ever had a day where everything piles up?
Your physical health feels off.
Your mind won’t slow down.
And suddenly, you’re questioning every choice that led you to this point.
Now imagine not just one of those days…
but several in a row.
Weeks.
Months.
Maybe even years.
When people experience suicidal thoughts, intentions, or plans,
this is often how their days feel—
physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted.
It’s not just one thing.
It’s the accumulation.
Pain from the past.
Pressure in the present.
Fear of the future.
All stacking on top of each other
until it becomes overwhelming—
until suffering turns into desperation.
I often try to bridge compassion and understanding
when I think about my sister.
I can only see things from my perspective—
not from hers.
And yet, the questions come:
How many times do we feel angry
because their choice impacted our lives?
How many times do we wonder
if they cared about us when they decided to leave?
Was this a conscious decision?
Or a moment of unbearable pain?
And ultimately…
why?
The question “why?”
is one of the most painful questions we can carry.
Because there is no complete answer.
Some loved ones leave letters.
Some leave messages in their art.
Some leave traces of themselves behind.
And some…
leave us only with questions.
The silence of that unanswered “why”
can feel unbearable.
On my hardest days,
I find myself understanding more of what they may have felt.
Not agreeing.
Not choosing it for myself.
But understanding.
Because even a few days of feeling that low
can be hard to carry—
I can’t imagine what it’s like to live there
for weeks, months, or years.
And while I would not make that choice—
because I know the pain it leaves behind—
I can still hold compassion.
I can still wonder.
And maybe, in that space between love and grief,
I find myself slowly accepting…
that I may never fully understand why.
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The Days You’re Running Low
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