5d • General discussion
Parents vs Coaches in Youth Sports
Parents vs Coaches in Youth Sports
In a perfect world, it should never come to that. Unfortunately, we all know this is not a perfect world, and things are not always as cut and dry as we would like for them to be.
Conflicting Instructions: “Coach vs Parent”
“Let’s talk about the first problem: the conflicting directions.”
“The coach says, ‘Spread the floor.’
The parent yells, ‘DRIVE IT!’
The coach says, ‘Slow it down.’
The parent yells, ‘SHOOT!’”
Meanwhile, Dad is releasing a tirade of expletives on the Refs to let them know what a terrible job they’re doing and, that he could do a better job than they could .. and the entire gym can hear him … including the kid on the floor.
“Now let me ask you a question…”
“How old is the kid trying to process all that?”
“The last time I checked, we don’t teach advanced multitasking under emotional pressure in third grade.”
“What happens is simple:
Kids doesn’t get better…
They get confused.”
“And when kids are confused, they stop playing freely.
They stop trusting themselves.
And eventually… they stop enjoying the game.”
That can happen to older players as well when Coaches are not careful…. That’s a topic for another day.
“Now let’s talk about the refs.” Let’s discuss the pros and cons of yelling at, and often verbally abusing the Refs.
“First … if yelling at refs actually worked… I could understand it, and this portion wouldn’t be necessary, and there would be fewer technical fouls.”
“Here’s the part that often gets missed.”
“When adults scream at referees, kids don’t hear .. ‘bad call.’
They see examples being set by people in authority… the coach .. the parent .. the people they respect and look up to.
They hear and they see .. ‘this is how we handle frustration.’”
“They learn that mistakes deserve public humiliation.
They learn that authority is something you fight, not something you respect.”
“And here’s the quiet truth…”
“Kids don’t remember the call. They remember “That’s how they did it and say “So, That’s how I’m going to do it”
Sometimes they also remember how embarrassed they felt standing next to you.”
Here’s some of what Kids Actually Need
“Most parents aren’t yelling because they’re bad people.
They’re yelling because they care.”
“But caring without awareness can still cause damage.”
“Kids need three things from adults in sports:
• clarity
• consistency
• emotional safety”
“They already have a coach giving instruction.
What they need from parents is support, not a second playbook.”
For whatever reason, you entrusted your youngster to that Coach. Let him do his job.
“Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say from the stands is…”. ..“Nothing.”
Now, let’s look at some video examples and discuss what we see:
“This is just the starting point.”
“In the coming weeks, we’re going to talk about:
• how parents can become a competitive advantage
• how car rides home can build confidence instead of anxiety
• and how youth sports can actually strengthen family relationships”
“Because when parents and coaches pull in the same direction…”
“Kids don’t just play better.
They grow better.”
“So if you felt a little uncomfortable today…
Good.”
“Growth usually starts there.”
“Stick with us.
The topics and conversations will differ and stir the pot on a number of issues moving forward… and maybe you’ll hear something useful….”
23:07
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Parents vs Coaches in Youth Sports
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