I need less Spam and more tools (the context is in the post) 🌱

Soooo, I had a bit of a clear moment today I was y'know doing the usual stuff and my brain wasn't overflowing for once which felt so strange! Cause I feel like my brain is just kind of like those people's inboxes that are always full like you need an email or something but that stupid "Inbox Full" notification pops up and you kinda just mutter curse words while clicking delete repeatedly. My brain is full of SPAM (not the salty canned ham) but like the ads and whatever else pops up in one's email. But anyway sorry for that tangent, but I realized that I was overwhelmed, but not like the bad overwhelmed where you want to cry and dig a hole somewhere and never resurface but the good kind of overwhelm because (and it took me a moment to realize this) that my soul or whatever you call it was actually in my body and in reality like I could feel everything and it felt really good since I was outside and I had omitted the shoes. It felt strangely really good to be in reality for once because I'm always in my head.

Being in one's head for extensive periods is scary and it can also become very, very addictive and it gets a little y'know scary, not fun anyway the human body is quite an advanced organism: we as a species can think and function like no other living thing, but another thing is that the human life/condition is overwhelming and absolutely nothing like we expect when we enter it, it's so overwhelming and it gets scary and so much more difficult than anything we as humans have ever experienced but most people just say "oh that's just life!" But to be honest "just life" is quite literally very difficult to navigate especially if one isn't equipped with the tools to navigate this nightmare.

It's kind of like a building a house: you need tools to build lets say your house okay so like a hammer and nails is bare minimum which is what some get. Then you have others with all the doodads from miter saws to electric sanders, I feel like I'm one of those people that got the hammer and nails then was told to just "wing it" but my brain doesn't really work like that, it craves the structure it wants more tools and the blueprints but when I ask, nobody seems to have the tools I need so to speak so I end up spiralling trying to build this house out of nothing but some wood, a hammer and nails which usually is really overstimulating and just makes me want to throw the tools that I have away and say "fuck it I'd rather build a mud hut" but I really don't want to build a mud hut I want to build a sturdy house so I'm stuck between wanting a house and struggling to build this house because I only have a hammer and nails...

I dunno man like I had one hell of a night last night like my brain wouldn't shut up; I feel like everyone has those moments. like where your brain is like a tornado almost and you can't for the life of think straight? Yea where the emotions literally feel like they are literally eating you alive, these moments often don't leave me feeling to fancy afterwards: ✨they feel like absolute hell actually✨ (sarcastic sparkles). I absolutely hate feeling like that, the sensory overload and the absolute anguish I most of the time feel when this happens, like you want something that's being held just out of your reach from clarity to something like a job promotion.

But anyway I ended up just having so many emotions that were all waaaaay too much and I forgot to think before I spoke and started getting a lot of things off my chest and quite literally it was like I was finally going through my email and deleting those spam messages and whatnot and for the first day in QUITE awhile I actually felt kind of human for once.

This post was made by a disgruntled raccoon 🦝

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