4d • General Discussion
Stop Should-ing On People, Do This Instead
One of the fastest ways to lose credibility as a leader is by “should-ing” on your people:
- “You should have known better.”
- “You should do it this way.”
- “You should already have this figured out.”
The problem? “Should” creates shame, not growth. It shuts down conversation and makes your team defensive.
Here’s what to do instead:
- Swap judgment for curiosity. Instead of “You should have known,” try: “What obstacles got in the way here?”
- Turn “should” into coaching. Replace “You should do it this way” with: “What options do you see? Which one feels strongest?”
- Make it collaborative. Say: “Here’s what I’d like to see. How do you think we can get there together?”
This shift builds trust, accountability, and ownership — the exact opposite of what “should” does.
Your turn:
Think of one moment this week where you almost “should-ed” on someone. How could you reframe it using curiosity or collaboration instead? Share it below — I’ll reply with a reframe you can use in real life.
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Stop Should-ing On People, Do This Instead
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