The other day I was sitting in my living room, getting ready to meditate and on a table we have a small candle powered mobile. From it hags four humming birds. Two go on direction and the other two go opposite, not something I love. I didn’t want to work to rehang two so they were going to same direction but I wanted them to, so I thought about changing my sight. Unless the candle is lit the hummingbirds are stationary but while I was sitting there the heat kicked on and it slowly started to move the mobile, as it sits next to the vent. My original discomfort from the hummingbirds going opposite directions changed when in its slow turning, at one point in the rotation from my perception of where I was sitting, they had all moved to a position of going the same direction. Basic physics and also a reminder that change in perception can almost change any situation, we only have to be willing to see.

I think my jewelry was stolen, Someone took my rings, Disappeared at different points of this time, They disappeared to the other side of the realm, Where I can’t see, I want them back, I miss them, Please, give them to me, I said to no one in particular, The house maybe? The man in the corner laughed, Clanking them together in his pocket, One dream he said, And then you can have them, All of them, You can have them back and more, Nothing is really lost, Just open the door, One dream? What kind of dream? He said we’ve been attempting to tell you while you sleep, I laughed, Oh those? Those silly dreams you build for me? See those aren’t mine, And I was never asleep, We were playing, pretend, And this is pretend, And you are pretend, And the snow is coming, Keep my rings, Wear them all, Cast them to the fire, The place with which you will fall.

I went to the forest in search of nature, I didn’t know the direction, Nor did I have a map, I was just told to go look and I would see, I walked for days and days, I lost my coat, Set it down somewhere, I took off my shoes, The soles had worn out, I lost my glasses, Found they were no longer of use, I couldn’t see through the brush, No path could be found, Just this constant whispering in my head, Keep going, Nature shall be found, For so many days I walked, The seasons changed, Time and time again, I encountered animals, And other friends, Still I walked in search, After so many nights, Year after year, I finally came to a clearing, And she was there, She had grown lichens throughout her hair, Her eyes were shifted, And her skin had turned a darker shade, The twigs had matted around her ankles, She smelled of the rain, I approached cautiously, For I knew not what to say, She seemed busy and distant, Then she sat, like she had been waiting, I had never seen anything so beautiful, And I had never felt more afraid, For all that time I had walked in her presence, So intent on my pursuit, I thought I was lost, I thought everything had turned grey, I was cold and hungry, And the sun had burned my skin, Time over again, And I couldn’t help but feel that she was to blame, I stepped forward again though, Brave, Asking to sit down next to her, I could feel her wisdom, And I could faintly hear her humming, I asked for her to tell me about herself, Silence, That’s what I got, The nights changed, And the days, They came and went, And still we sat, Together, When so many nights had come and gone, And my days had grown short, She finally shifted her gaze to me, And said hello, I trembled, Because then she said, I am nature, I am the sun and the moon, I am the stars under which you cry, I am the Winter and its freeze, I am Spring and renewal, I am Summer with its easy splendor, And the Autumn with its necessary shed, I am also the wind, Powerful, When it’s needed for change, I am the fire in the core,

When I was just a kid I would make my own sensory deprivation tank in my bathtub. I would turn the lights off in the bathroom, close the curtain of the shower, then lay under the water fully submerged except for just enough of my nostrils exposed to keep breathing. I began doing this in the early 90s as a way to disconnect from the world, as if I had any reason to be disconnecting quite like that when I was that young. Maybe 4 or 5, was when I started doing this activity and I did it regularly until I was found doing it, when one of my siblings needed the bathroom… I was 13 and embarrassed to have been in such a meditative state while someone was looking at me. I quit doing it then, but looking back I realize I was preparing myself for disconnecting in a world that requires us to be so connected. It’s good to give our mind a break. It’s good to hear no noise and to see no light, to just let ourselves be in the moment with our thoughts. It’s wonderful we get to live in a world where connection is so readily available everywhere but sometimes we just need a minute. I don’t have a bathtub now but I sometimes wish that I did so I could do some disconnecting at home on any given day.

In a world that is backwards, Upside down, In refrain, Ghosts are the only thing that remain, Floating about on the winds, Singing at night, To the frequency of the stars, Lost in hope, Drowning in the seas, Speaking only to the trees, Never to be seen, Transparent images of the past, Futures slipping through fingers like smoke, Why are they here? What should we remember? Tethered to their own spirit, In a realm unseen, Quietly wishing, And dreaming, Feeling the pains of the living, Writing messages of the heart, Coping by floating.