If Horses Could Talk... · The Confident Rider

Janet Wilson

🔥

Mar 3 • General discussion

If Horses Could Talk...

I had a little play with ChatGPT and I asked it to tell me something funny that a horse would say...

Yes, you.

The one holding the lead rope like you are auditioning for a remake of Black Beauty...

I would just like to say a few words.

Firstly, thank you for the gourmet dining experience. Truly. The slightly-too-early hay net. The bucket that arrives with ceremony. The way you stare at me while I eat as if I might suddenly start quoting Shakespeare. I see you. I appreciate you. Please stop watching me chew.

Secondly, can we talk about the weather?

If it is windy, you say, “Ooo he’s feeling fresh today.”

If it is sunny, you say, “Ooo he’s feeling fresh today.”

If it is raining, you say, “Ooo he’s feeling fresh today.”

At this point I am convinced that “fresh” is human code for “I am mildly concerned about my life choices.”

Let’s also address The Mounting Block Situation.

You line it up. You adjust the reins. You take a deep breath like you are about to summit Everest. Meanwhile, I am just standing here thinking, “Climb aboard, Susan. I am literally designed for this.”

And when you wobble? That is not me. That is gravity. Take it up with Isaac Newton.

Now, about your “inside leg to outside hand.”

You whisper it like a sacred chant.

You say it before you get on.

You say it during trot.

You mutter it in your sleep.

Sometimes I think you believe if you repeat it enough I will suddenly transform into Valegro at the Olympics. I am flattered. I am also just Bob.

And the pep talks.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so nervous.”

“What if he spooks?”

“What if I can’t do it?”

Meanwhile I am over here like, “Mum. The only scary thing here is that crisp packet you are dramatically overreacting to.”

You worry about getting it wrong.

You worry about not being good enough.

You worry about what everyone thinks.

Do you know what I am thinking?

“Is there grass?”

That is it. That is the list.

But here is the important bit.

When you breathe and soften and stop trying to be perfect… when you scratch that itchy bit on my neck without even thinking… when you laugh instead of panic… when you trust me a tiny bit more than your fear…

That is when we are magic.

Not Olympic magic.

Not Instagram magic.

Just us magic.

You do not have to be the best rider on the yard.

You just have to be my rider.

Bring the carrots.

Bring the wobbles.

Bring the courage you pretend you do not have.

I will bring the ears.

The steady legs.

And occasionally, dramatic sideways leaps to keep things interesting.