May 16 • General discussion
Congruence and incongruence
Now that we haven't had standup in a little while, we can reflect on the impact the books we have read, have had on our lives. We can make thousands of excuses for why we dont live the lives we want, but none of it has to do with anything external, its all about our internal controls and our perception of things. The sole act of breathing is a privilege, until we realize this we wont get to the depth of gratitude in just being alive.
Incongruence refers to the moments when we feel conflicted about a goal, decision, or situation. It’s a form of internal tension—like having two competing voices inside us.
One part of us wants to take a particular action, while another part pulls in the opposite direction. This internal tug-of-war can be mentally exhausting, leaving us uncertain and emotionally drained.
We can experience incongruence in a variety of ways. Sometimes it’s as simple and seemingly harmless as deciding whether to go out to the movies or stay in and read a book. These minor conflicts don’t usually cause significant stress. However, there are also deeper, more value-driven conflicts—like wanting to assert yourself more in the workplace, but fearing that doing so might come off as pushy or go against your core values of kindness and cooperation. These kinds of incongruence are harder to navigate because they involve our identity and beliefs.
On the other hand, congruence is the state in which our thoughts, feelings, and actions are aligned. A congruent person experiences a sense of clarity and direction—there is no internal conflict because their decisions resonate with their values and goals. This state is often described as “being in the zone” or experiencing a “flow state.” In these moments, everything feels natural and effortless because there is no resistance between intention and action.
When we are clear with our intentions, it doesn’t matter how
much chaos is in our environment, we are not moved by this chaos. If it affects us negatively, then it indicates we do not have a strong personal foundation of our intention.
The more attuned we are to our internal signals of incongruence, the quicker we can identify and resolve those inner tensions. Recognizing incongruence early allows us to address it before it grows into a mental block or ongoing stressor.
This not only enhances our decision-making but also frees up mental energy, making us more effective and emotionally balanced in our day-to-day lives.
Overcoming incongruence can be draining. It takes a significant amount of mental energy to continually override a part of ourselves that resists a particular action or idea. The more we dwell on the conflict, the more we tend to strengthen our own objections. Therefore, it’s far more efficient to develop the skill of recognizing incongruence and addressing it swiftly—either by reframing the situation, clarifying our values, or changing our approach.
One of the best ways to cultivate congruence is to become deeply familiar with our personal values and align our decisions and actions with them. When we act in harmony with what we truly believe and care about, the inner noise quiets down, and a sense of integrity and peace emerges.
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Congruence and incongruence
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