Why does going to the cemetery seem like such a chore. I want it to be beautiful, after all that is where my parents and grandparents are laid to rest, but gosh the emotions it stirs up inside of me. My Daddy was the first man I ever loved, I helped take care of him his last 2 weeks on this earth. His mind was sharp but is body was weak and worn! That was an easier loss to accept because I still had Mom. Then I lived and cared for Mom the last 2 years of her life. So now they are both gone and everything is different! Holidays, birthdays, just days! I had help from one of my sisters with both mom and dad, so I didn’t do it alone, but now I find myself at that alone place a lot.

I’m going to the cemetery to takeoff all the Christmas flowers, the little Christmas tree and flag. Time to put new flowers out! Mom loved pretty flowers! Actually I have been going for 2 days now and haven’t got there… It hurts so bad to be decorating or undecorating a cemetery for your loved ones. My parents taught me so much, but one thing they left out was how to live without them! 🥲

I have found it to be easy and comforting to me in a strange way to write or talk about my Mom and our experiences with Dementia. Everyday was a different day. Some good, some bad, some happy, and some sad. I honestly never knew what to expect. Her days were pretty normal until about 11:00 every morning and then she begin to get, hungry, tired, ready for a nap, not quite sure what to do. Most days she would eat the same things. Watch the same thing on tv and always fall asleep during Gunsmoke. I can’t watch Gunsmoke anymore!!!

My Mom used to always be perfectly dressed, smelled so good, makeup on, jewelry on. Ready for anything! Then dementia struck! She went from caring to careless. We would have to beg and plead with her to get a shower, to use that perfume, her clothes I never knew what she would be wearing when she came down the hall. Strips, flowers, colors it didn’t matter as long as the top and bottom were covered! Man I miss her!!!

Yesterday I talked to my sister and we were remembering times with our mom. Some of the things she did, all you could do was laugh to keep from crying, because she truly didn’t know what she was doing. On night she was getting ready for bed, my sister had gotten the tablet out to soak her dentures and said we need to brush your teeth. My sister proceeded to fix mom’s bed because covers had to be just right. She walked back in the bathroom and said mom where is the tablet to soak your teeth, oh I eat that! Thank God Denture cleaner isn’t toxic! Bless her heart she thought that was what she was supposed to do! Better to laugh than cry! 😂🥺