1d (edited) • Whiteness
CiW - She-Nanny-gans
Everybody, let’s talk about it: 🧵
Hi Chamieka,
I've been following your work for a while now and I think I'm finally ready to jump in with a question, because honestly I'm not sure what to do and I feel like you would have some good perspective on this.
About two years ago my family relocated to Portland for my husband's job. It has been a really wonderful move for us, truly no complaints. I stay home full time with our boys, which is its own kind of work, but about a year in I realized I needed some support. We have four boys- twins who are 6, and then a 9 and a 10 year old. They are the sweetest kids but they have so much energy and I just needed another set of hands.
We hired Ellie first. She is what I think is Italian, and she has been wonderful in her own way. She runs a pretty tight ship, which the kids have actually benefited from even if they pushed back at first. She came with a degree in child development and solid references, so when we set her salary we factored all of that in.
About four months later we brought on Brittany, who is just Black American. The kids absolutely adore her. Like, they cry when she leaves. There is just something about her, she is so naturally warm and connected with them in a way that is honestly a gift. We love having her and we tell her that.
Here is where things have gotten a little complicated. I believe Ellie and Brittany have been talking about their salaries, which I don't think is really appropriate in a household employment situation, but I also don't know that there is much I can do to stop it. Brittany now knows that Ellie makes more, and she has raised it as a concern. The difference in pay was never about anything other than experience and credentials. Ellie has a degree. Brittany dropped out of school. That is just how we calculated it.
What I will say is that we do lean on Brittany more for overtime. Ellie is very firm about her schedule and honestly we respect that. Brittany has been more flexible, and because the kids love her so much, it always made sense to call her when we needed extra coverage. There were a couple of times she asked if she could bring her own children for last-minute requests, and we just weren't comfortable with that, so those didn't work out. In her contract it states that there may be last minute requests and she should be prepared for them. Not being prepared leaves us in a bind and that defeats the purpose of hiring her, you know?
I do also want to mention that we have taken Brittany on two of our family trips, one to Florida and one to Cancun. She had never been on a plane before either time, and I remember thinking how exciting that must have been for her. Yes, she was there to help with the boys, but she also got to experience travel that she probably would not have had access to otherwise. We covered everything, the flight, the hotel, all of her meals. I feel like that has to count for something when you look at the full picture of what we offer her. It is not just a paycheck.
My husband has pointed out that given her situation, she probably is not going to find this kind of pay elsewhere without her degree, so he doesn't think she will actually quit over this. I hope he is right because I genuinely cannot imagine our household without her.
We do want to sit down with both of them and let them know that salary discussions between staff aren't something we want happening. And we want to let Brittany know that we value her and that a raise is something we are open to down the line, just not right now. I want to handle this the right way.
We have talked about giving Brittany a small one time bonus just to show her we appreciate everything, but I want to be honest that I’m a little nervous about it. She is a hard worker and we do see that, but I also don’t want her to start thinking that raising concerns about her pay is the way to get more money out of us. We don’t want to reward that kind of conversation. And truthfully, she is doing the job we hired her to do. We don’t give Ellie bonuses for just showing up either. I just don’t want to open a door that becomes difficult to close later.
Do you or your followers have any suggestions? How do we move forward in a way that everyone feels supported and listened to?
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CiW - She-Nanny-gans
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