CiW Letters to Chamieka: before it took a turn...

6d (edited) • Whiteness

Inferno paternal, reigns eternal

Everybody, let's talk about it: 🧵

Hey Chamieka, I'm writing this in serious frustration, and I need some advice because I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet.

I've taught in the same district, same school, for 14 years. I've had plenty of chances to leave. I stay because I grew up in this community before it took a turn, and it still means something to me.

We started back August 3rd. Like we do every year, teachers called every family to introduce ourselves and see if they had questions. I've got 28 kids in my class. Maybe 8 families picked up or called back. Parental involvement gets worse every single year.

It's easy to point fingers at schools and teachers, but the parents are the problem. I mean that. I want so badly for them to get engaged with what their kids are learning. Some of these kids are sharp, genuinely going places, no question. But their parents have their priorities so jacked up. And I want to be clear, this isn't just Black families. Latino families too.

Why does a 5th grader need wigs, acrylic nails, and fake lashes for school? Why are preteens showing up in belly shirts and shorts that are way too tight and too short? In 14 years I never saw this until about 3 years ago, and it's only gotten worse. I wish we would just go back to uniforms although I think they’d find a way to pimp that out, too.

On Monday I sent a student to the nurse to get her nails cut off because she couldn't hold a pencil. So it's not just inappropriate, it's actually getting in the way of them learning. Even that went awry because she went home and lied to her grandma about it. The grandma said that she (my student) used money her mom sent her to get them done. Which is heartwarming because I know her mom is just coming out of jail in another state, but she literally could not participate in class!!! I was asked to replace them and I absolutely will not.

Why pour that kind of money into looks and send the message that it matters more than school does? A classroom isn't a runway.

Why not spend that money on a tutor, or get them into an activity so they're not just roaming the neighborhood all evening? I’ve left school as late as 7PM many, many times and the football field and basketball court are filled with kids. Some of them actually use the spaces for what they are intended for, but even more of them just go up there to fight or do drugs. Nothing good comes out of that. Girls end up pregnant, boys end up dropping out. This isn't a movie. Low parental involvement has real consequences for these kids.

What really got me was watching nearly all those same parents show up on the first day, snapping pictures with their kids like proud parents. Half of them wanted a picture with me too, and I‘ve started saying no, because it felt fake. I won't hear from most of them again till next August. Proud of what, exactly? A failing report card? Neglecting your kid the other 364 days? I'm done being part of that photo. I never even agreed to be on Facebook, and before anyone tells me I'm assuming things, I'm not. I've thought about trying to reach parents through Facebook myself, and I've already found my own picture posted on several back-to-school pages. I wasn't digging through anybody's profile. I was meeting them where they already are, and clearly that's Facebook.

I’ve had several groups of families over the years that have been at our school forever. I’ve taught their sisters, brothers or cousins. They know me and I know them. In June I was invited to two of my old students graduations and initially I declined but decided to go because my husband works at the high school and had to be there. So many of their family members showed up. It was really beautiful but I can’t help but to wonder where they’ve been all these years?? These kids just barely graduated. And one of them had to do summer school to receive his diploma. So again, what are we celebrating?? These kids are NOT prepared for the real world.

All I'm asking is: come into the building. Volunteer, if you don't have a felony on your record. Bring in extra school supplies since apparently there's money to spare. I'm not trying to be funny, I mean it.

I have one mom whose kids graduated years ago and she still comes into my room to help out twice a week. To top that off she’s physically disabled and still manages to get here. So what excuse do these other parents have?

I’m just so frustrated. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Is this cultural? How do I get these parents to actually show up? How do I get them to see what matters here? Our school pulled a straight F on the state report card, and I promise you that's not on the teachers. We show up every day ready to teach. I can't say the same for a lot of our students.

I hate to say it, but I think we're doomed, and we are failing these kids. It's hard to fix any of this when half these parents are barely 10 years older than their children.

I hope I sound like someone who cares because I really do. I’m just lost on what to do. Sincerely please know that.

_____

There's a spot to unpack here, what are your noticings?

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CiW Letters to Chamieka: before it took a turn...