You hear it all the time:
"Be kind to yourself."
"Love yourself."
"Give yourself grace."
Sounds great. But what if your version of self-love is completely distorted?
What if the way you think you’re being kind to yourself… isn’t actually kindness at all?
If you grew up believing love had to be earned, then “self-love” might look like constant self-improvement, never actually allowing yourself to rest.
If you learned that care only came after exhaustion, you might only be “gentle” with yourself once you’re completely burned out.
If compassion was always mixed with guilt, you might struggle to let yourself off the hook without feeling like you’re doing something wrong.
You’re trying to love yourself, but from a blueprint that was never built for real love.
So maybe that’s why it feels unnatural.
Maybe that’s why it doesn’t stick.
Maybe that’s why self-care just feels like another chore, another thing to “get right.”
So here’s the real work:
💡 Instead of forcing self-love, question what you think love actually is.
Does your version of kindness allow space for mistakes?
Does your version of patience include yourself, or just everyone else?
Does your version of love feel safe, or does it feel like another demand?
Because real self-love isn’t just doing “nice things” for yourself.
It’s unlearning everything that told you love
had to be earned in the first place.