Moving from the Boss to the Consultant or “The Pruning Phase”

Mary Nunaley

🔥

17d • The Playful Shift

This one is for those of you with teen’s in the house or who work with teens.

@Lisa Vanderveen

@Heather Wilson

@Max Orlewicz

I’m thinking of you.

Have you noticed how teens behave differently than their younger siblings or even who they were not too long ago? Much has been said about the teen years being stressful, I know I caused my parents lots of angst and yet my kids not so much. I think some of that is personality and some parenting style. Anyway, one reason for this shift is based on brain growth and another factor is hormones. Let’s stick with the brain.

The teen brain is undergoing a Great Remodel. It’s clearing out the "dirt roads" it doesn't use to make room for specialized expertise. As babies, those neural pathways were growing and developing but now it’s time to prune what isn’t needed.

Here’s the hard truth: if a teen doesn't feel like they are in charge, the learning circuitry simply doesn't fire. They don't want a manager; they want Ownership. When we hover or "suggest" how they should spend their time, their brain views it as an intrusion on their growth. To reach them, we have to stop being the "Boss" and start being the "Consultant." As parents, this can be a hard shift.

Think about your teen years, who in your life let you be in charge and how did that impact your decisions?

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