I did 6 parties straight and here’s what I found

(SORRY FOR LONG MESSAGE! But it’s a love letter to life)

went right for parties for almost a week, went for movie , saw them , drinking , partying.

guess what- none's real , yesterday was my birthday, partied all day long saw all type of people

thought I had myself a date. was excited about it. girl left me stood up. I already told myself that day "nothing gonna happen" and nothing did happen.

did I get sad?- no

did I wish for it to be better- obviously, i wanted that pleasure of taking only girl who gave a gift for my birthday to a date

i was home around 7:30

i waited , i waited long for about 3 hours , no one at home

all those party noises? all gone now , nothing!

really felt nothing actually matters- I should be happy right? all these party stuff and meeting new people? having friends

but guess what- home alone , seeing nothing but walls , wall of my room , wall of my heart , wall of my brain. finding no one to be with next to me

1 hour pass by I stopped wwaiting

2 hour passed by i stopped using all devices

3 hour pass by I.... was thinking of life , of everything that i thought had meaning. staring blankly at the wall and just thinking.

"Man , 5500 ruppees for party going around doing shit and still?" at the end of day, when i return home? there's this void, there's this craving for more , just one more party or this date i could had, but wait... if 5 party didnt fix it , nor this date will , nothing fills this desire unless you are with someone you truly give life in your heart

oh that what they feel? party around , fuck around , playboy , play girl , move around in their day and when they reach home , just so that they don’t wanna face this meaningless result , they use their dating apps and mobile to fill the voids."

I turned my lights off looking into abyse

a wave of wisdom flew at me

"If i had water name "party and fuck buddies", at the end of day , that would evaporated from the "meaningless realisation and dark empty room" lava. no matter how much it is , always empty and vaporate."

Man , I used to think I was miserable , wanted to rip off this ability to love people deeply , thought if i had not had this , life would have been so easy!, but now i see... these fuck buddies , party people are.... so sad... they are alone , they look for themself in parties and when they are alone their heart not beating for anyone and void hit.

thank you for this heart , to let it beat, yeah its painful but I rather walk this earth with warm pain in my heart , rather than lying still with silence , which is more deadily. I no longer crave fake connection.

What would you rather be living?

Life with purpose, love with meaning

Party life with fake friends, sleep around with no future

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