Jan 6 • General discussion
Toxic positivity is not a coping Skill.
Toxic positivity is not a coping skill — it is an avoidance strategy that often compounds psychological harm.
As a survivor of psychological abuse, being told to “just smile,” “don’t give them your energy,” or “they’re just miserable” did not reduce harm. It invalidated it. Research consistently shows that emotional invalidation increases distress, shame, and dysregulation, particularly in trauma-exposed individuals (Linehan; Fruzzetti).
More than one person in my life was conditioned to believe their calm demeanor was superior — that emotional neutrality in the face of mistreatment reflected maturity or enlightenment. Clinically, the absence of anger in response to harm is not emotional intelligence; it is oftenemotional disengagement or learned suppression (Gross, 2015).
From a trauma-informed perspective, anger can be an adaptive signal — alerting the nervous system to boundary violations and threat (Herman, 1992). When anger is pathologized or bypassed, individuals are conditioned to override protective instincts, increasing vulnerability to further harm.
While others bypassed my experience in the name of peace, I developed a strong protective orientation toward emotional wellbeing — particularly when harm is subtle, relational, or manipulative. This response reflectsattunement, not dysregulation (Porges, Polyvagal Theory).
Toxic positivity often functions within codependent and enabling systems, where emotional comfort is prioritized over accountability. It reframes boundary-setting as negativity and labels appropriate emotional responses as weakness (Beattie; Minuchin).
Clinically speaking:
- Emotional invalidation worsens trauma outcomes
- Anger can support boundary formation
- Nervous system regulation requires acknowledgment of reality
- Silence does not equal resilience
I am proud to be a mother and spouse who responds protectively when harm is present — even when that harm is covert, relational, or difficult to articulate. This is not reactivity. It is emotional discernment and trauma-informed response.
Healing does not require bypassing reality.
Healing requires naming harm, restoring agency, and responding appropriately.
Clinical References
- Linehan, M. (1993) – Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder→ Emotional invalidation increases dysregulation and shame
- Fruzzetti, A. et al. (2005) – Invalidating environments and emotion regulation→ Invalidation predicts emotional instability
- Herman, J. (1992) – Trauma and Recovery→ Anger as a necessary component of trauma recovery and boundary restoration
- Porges, S. (2011) – The Polyvagal Theory→ Nervous system safety requires acknowledgment, not suppression
- Gross, J. (2015) – Emotion regulation research→ Chronic emotional suppression worsens psychological outcomes
- Beattie, M. (1987) – Codependent No More→ Positivity used to maintain dysfunctional relational systems
- Minuchin, S. (1974) – Families and Family Therapy→ Systems that discourage emotional expression preserve imbalance
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Toxic positivity is not a coping Skill.
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