Work in Progress (Feedback?) 👸 Cinderella 👸 and the Fairy 🤵 Oddfather 🤵

Kris Jim Murdock

21d • Feedback/Work in Progress

Cinderella and the Fairy Oddfather:

An Offer She Can’t Refuse (or Can She?)

What Will She Do for a New Glass Shoe?

A comedic twist on the classic tale, as adapted by John Andrew Lang and Kris Jim Murdock

Chapter 1: The Royal Invitation

Work, toil, sweat! Work, toil, sweat! Never done, never good enough. Would it never end?

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Ella who had no time to do anything except chores day in and day out for her stepsisters and stepmother, who never did any work themselves and never showed any appreciation for her help. She barely even had time to sleep at night. It had been that way ever since her father’s death. Without him around to stand up for her, the stepmother and stepsisters made her do everything around the house, including cleaning the ashes and cinders from the fireplace.

She always got cinders all over her dress, her hands, her feet, and even her face, just like confetti at a birthday party. Except she never got invited to birthday parties. And it wasn’t bright and colorful; it was dingy and dirty and messy. And nobody picked it up and threw it at her like confetti. They were mean enough to, but they didn’t want to get their own hands dirty.

Sometimes one of the stepsisters picked up the whole cinder bucket and dumped it on her, though, which meant not only that poor Ella was even filthier than before, but also that she had to redo all her fireplace cleaning. Then both stepsisters and the stepmother chuckled and chortled and cackled and gackled and hooted and hollered with laughter until their faces turned as red as sunburnt lobsters in the Red Sea (if it were actually red). and tears ran down their faces. And down her face, too, of course.

But then sometimes that stepsister laughed so hard, she fell over and rolled on the floor, getting cinders all over herself. Then Cinderella, in spite of having such a kind heart, couldn’t help laughing, which, of course, made the stepsister furious.

“It’s your fault for being so ugly and so fun to tease! I just couldn’t help dumping that bucket of cinders on you and laughing! Now I’ll go upstairs to change, and I’ll toss this dress down to you. Oh, and you better get it clean as a whistle, dry as a bone, and smooth as silk in five minutes or less!”

Between her cleaning work every day and getting the cinder bucket dumped on her so often, she was so completely covered in cinders all the time, that they started calling her Cinder Ella or Cinderella.

This went on and on with no end in sight. The days, months, and years crept by like long, hairy caterpillars that seemed they would never turn into butterflies. And they were just as ugly as those caterpillars, too.

Finally, she grew into a beautiful young woman, but no one could see her beauty through the ashes and cinders.

Her stepsisters and stepmother always made fun of her:

“Ella, Ella, Cinderella,

Never gonna find a fella.

Ugly cinders on her face,

Such a terrible disgrace.

Clean out all the fireplace cinders.

Mop the floors and wash the winders.

Ella, Ella, Cinderella.

Never gonna find a fella.”

Early one evening, a herald in a sparkling blue suit ran through the village, blowing a long, golden trumpet. The light of the setting sun glinted off the smooth metal, making his trumpet shine even brighter than his outfit. And oh, how he played! His trumpet sounded even brighter than it looked. In fact, it sounded even brighter than the sun looks at noonday! His music shattered the quiet village air, and so did his voice when he stopped trumpeting and running at the end of every block to yell at the top of his lungs:

“Hear ye, hear ye, all the city,

‘Specially you ladies pretty!

I come from the royal hall,

Where the prince will have a ball!

Not a baseball,

Not a basketball,

Not a golf ball,

Oh, no, not at all!

He’s gonna have a ball

Where all the ladies come to dance!

There’ll be people wall to wall,

So if you’re single, here’s your chance!

Every single lady now

Is officially invited,

‘Cause he’s looking for a bride!

Bet the news makes you excited!

Hear ye, hear ye, all the city,

Listen up, you gals so pretty!

I’m sent from the royal hall,

Where the prince will have a ball!

Not a meatball,

Not a wrecking ball,

Not a goofball,

Oh, no, not at all!

He’s gonna have a ball

Where all the ladies come to dance!

They’ll be happy wall to wall,

So if you’re single, here’s your chance!

To each single lady now

He extends his invitation

‘Cause he’s looking for a bride

From the ladies of the nation!”

As soon as she heard his rich voice, Cinderella’s heart skipped a beat. She dropped her dustrag, ran to the kitchen, and stared out the small front windows. As she listened to the herald’s news, she couldn’t help singing:

“Maybe, maybe, Cinderella

Finally can find a fella.

If the prince will dance with me,

Happy, happy, we will be.

Maybe I can be his bride!

I won’t know until I’ve tried!”

But her stepsisters dashed her hopes to pieces like a rock crashing through a window. They taunted her while the stepmother looked on with a silent smirk:

"Ugly, ugly Cinderella,

You can never find a fella.

You can't go. You’re such a mess!

You don't have a dancing dress!

We’ll go dance while you work here!

You’re no bride for him, it’s clear!

Ella, Ella of the cinders,

Get away from those front winders!"

Their words stung her heart like bees. This royal invitation was the only way she could imagine ever getting out of the house and finding a husband. With her hope shattered, tears began to well up in her eyes and spill down her face.

“I’m so sorry. Beg your pardon.”

“Cry those tears out in the garden!” said her stepmother, pointing to the back door. “I’ll hear no more of this! You’re spoiling our good mood in here.”

Crying harder and harder, Cinderella ran out to the garden alone.

The evening dew sparkled on the leaves like the tears on her face.

Over the high stone fence, she heard the herald in the distance as he continued his joyful trumpeting and shouting:

“He’s gonna have a ball

Where all the ladies come to dance!

There’ll be music wall to wall,

So if you’re single, here’s your chance!

Every single lady now

Is officially invited

‘Cause he’s looking for a bride!

Bet the news makes you delighted!”

Just moments ago, his call had brought joy and hope. Now it only made her heart sink lower and lower. It didn’t even seem to be in her chest anymore. She felt as if a heavy iron sledgehammer had smashed her heart to shards and slivers, and every fragment had fallen all the way down to her toes. Her shoulders were now heaving with sobs, but all of a sudden, she heard a strange voice.

"Yo! What's the matter?"

The voice sounded hulky and bulky, the way the largest pumpkins and watermelons in the garden looked, but somehow as smooth and silky as the lilies at her feet.

Unsure of where the voice was coming from, Cinderella looked in all directions but saw no one. Who could it be?

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