Feb 14 • General discussion
Whither Celibacy?
It's been a mentally bewildering year as I've made strides in trying to focus on my own happiness and integrity, and making efforts to shoo away self-inappropriate Girardian desires (goals that come from social environment) and "Spooks" (Max Stirner's name for grand moral cosmologies that try to regulate human behavior)
Most importantly, and a priority is a career pivot, efforts towards greater autonomy through greater pursuit of commercial activities - consulting, software, artisinal IoT device manufacturing, rather than being reliant on academia. This is really the only thing that's perfectly clean and coherent, with my neurology, practical economic forecasts, and philosophical convictions all lining up and pointing towards very real concrete priorities in action decision space.
Moving outside of that, that is beyond career (and finances and health)...things get murky. Sex becomes one of the points of "OK it's clearly not a priority, but should it be a thing at all?" and what gets confusing is navigating values together with hard biological realities.
I've had a very extensive sex life, 150 partners in all, with two particularly active stints, in my early-to-mid 20s partying a lot and practicing lots of PUA, and in my early 30s hitting the apps while being an amateur sex guru, teaching women about their bodies' capacity as well as esoteric erotic higher states of consciousness through erotic dominance and tantra. I've had a few LTRs as well and I'm glad to have experienced them but don't really feel any desire for such things again, and they're not philosophically/values aligned. Moments in my sex life were impulsive when I was doing that, and also a grind. I had a flatmate who was able to sleep with a new young model every week, while my approach-to-lay ratios were absolutely abysmal. Moreover the data from all of my attempts unequivocally showed that in the rankings of sexual hierarchy, I am a 6 out of 10.
Considering the thought exercise of "if I could do anything, i.e., if I was a genuinely hot guy, how would sex enter my life, purely as values?" and in that case the answer is simple, even if emotionally challenging. Mode One - seducing women with "up front, straightforward and honest" is remarkably clean, Alan Roger Currie does not make any sacrifices in approaching women - no apps, no nightclubs, no spending money on dates, just if he sees one who tickles his pickle he is honest and proceeds with seduction and if it happens cool if not there is no real loss in time or money, the only loss is psychological. Then under the scenario that I was a "hot guy" I would just pursue things this way, with occasionally having lovers, and leaning into the shamanic aspects towards deep erotic connection. And I have terrible rejection sensitivity with over-rumination after rejection, so if I'm going to go more entrepreneur in my career, that shit needs to improve, and Mode One is a training ground.
However, given the data, it is statistically significant fact that the probability of a genuinely "hot" woman feeling excited for me is essentially zero, and certainly zero without extensive PUA training. So it seems like approaching any woman I fancy would just be masochism in that case.
Some obvious things should already be noted - be social, playful, even flirtatious with people in general. Find other routes for expressing eros and dominance - dance, music, competition, mastery. This is obvious.
The question is whither celibacy?
A clean and simple choice would simply be to (continue) celibacy, learning techniques to transmute my sexual energy towards craft and artistic things.
Another possible choice is to be "sexually available" but before going beyond casual flirting towards actual seduction, make an assessment for whether a woman is in my league or not, i.e. that I just find her "cute" and "pretty" and not "beautiful" or "hot", and only pursue if it's in the first category.
But maybe the constant assessment and desire suppression would temper the "killer instinct" needed for sales and also slow drip feelings of inadequacy.
Will discuss in detail with Dan next time we talk but opening it up here, curious if anyone has suggestions or comments
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Whither Celibacy?
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