Life Update · Blssed Influence

Life Update

I am not ok, that's the easiest way to put it. Firstly, lack of testimony. Telling someone I just came to Christ and things got harder is never a good thing to tell unbelievers. Secondly, I still have doubts about myself, my belief, and my salvation. "Do I believe?" "Can I really do this?" I honestly don't feel like going on with Christianity and I know with evidence of Christ, I know for sure God is real and me walking away is eternal damnation. I just doubt that I accepted Jesus. Even if I did, I would say "I forgot to say this, and it was important, time to repent again"

Thirdly, I was baptized when I was 8-9. I doubt I was serious, and according to mark 16, you have to "believe and be baptized" (mark 16:16) but honestly, I'm a huge introvert, and once you know me personally, I become an extrovert. I can't do anything in front of a bunch of people without being very embarrassed. I fear I'm going to hell and I can't feel that peace that passes all understanding. I can't guarantee I'll stay a Christian, and that terrifies me. With all the experience I have with free will, I'd rather be enslaved and forced to believe than have free will and have the possibility to walk away. Then the last one and worst one, I HATE my feelings. One day I feel saved and get lazy, the next day, I fast and "get right with God" I hate my feelings and wish I was a robot. I feel this and feel that. If anybody can pray for me, that'd be cool.

I guess you could call this a cry for help, idk tho. God bless.

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