The story is that I was in the parking lot in the morning at the church, and I had gotten to a point of anger, crying, and frustration. I have been trying to seek healing emotionally with God to unpack everything that I am feeling and every situation to find out what I am truly feeling about it, to get the whole truth and to heal from it to press on and make the right decisions from it. God can do all this and much more, without me trying to do any of it, but I have really needed to be on a clear page, I felt like I had experienced a lot from a relationship that I was asking Him more about. It was raining in the morning and the temperature was at 45 degrees, so much colder than expected for the morning, I wanted to get a hooded sweater from the car, and as I looked for it through bags in my car and didn't find it I remembered it was in my suitcase and found it there, however now that I am typing I knew where other sweaters are, good to know! So I had gotten really frustrated and angry looking for the sweater but it wasn't the sweater, it was the hurt I felt about being betrayed again by a person who was supposed to love me. After waiting for them for years, I suppose, I just lost it, I started to cry and say things of what I really feel like: "I hate that my stuff is in bags, and suitcases, and i want to be in a place by now and i am in this car again, and i hate that he did this, and made this decision and didn't think to care about me or the kids, and i hate that and this, but I still love the person because they are a brother in Christ, and I still am thankful to have a car, and even things, but I just was crying and throwing the clothing till I got to the sweater and then put on the sweatshirt and then the sweater, and then sat in the drivers seat, and went to the event I was supposed to go to 5 minutes down the road, to see my kids under tents help to serve people food. I threw on a song, I talked with God, turned on the engine started to drive, sang to the song about 1-2 minutes down the road, got to the event it had not opened yet, went to the bank parking lot to possibly make a deposit didn't make deposit was told to hang onto it for now, probably to relieve the pressure of making that decision in that moment. I sat in the bank parking lot for a bit, all the while feeling calmer, more at peace, then a person I knew came into the parking lot, my ex husband and I said something to him and rudeness was there, so I left 2 doors down saying something I will not repeat as we are to love one another, and drove to the event, got the parking spot, and just got out of the car bundled up, first stop port a potty, then prayed, then went to the event entrance and sought to find my kiddos at their respective tents.