Where are you self-sabotaging yourself right now—and what do you think you're actually protecting yourself from? ---------------------------------- "You are not lazy, unmotivated and stuck. After years of living in survival mode you’re exhausted - - there is a difference.” I came across that in recovery from alcoholism - - the battle with which is daily trauma in itself. Likewise, I've come to realize I'm also in recovery from undiagnosed ADHD, and that battle was also daily trauma. I've been the black sheep of my family and a social misfit my whole life. I once told my therapist I lacked the major traumas of so many in recovery, and she surprisingly told me rejection is a form of trauma - - and it's a little t trauma. Little t's are small traumas that accumulate over time, and can actually lead to more trouble than big T's because we don't know to seek support. I've isolated myself more than ever, thinking I need all day every day to be productive, which actually works against me since I miss out on the dopamine hits from engagement and lack the hard deadlines we need to get productive (in the hour before). I call this thinking my new form of insanity - - previously I (unknowingly) attempted to self-medicate my (undiagnosed) ADD by drinking daily to be more productive, even though alcohol had long since stopped working for me. I've done all the work to stay sober (for life), but doing the ADD work is exhausting - - even just the thought of it: writing goals, using my calendar! I wake up every day overwhelmed, add more to my to-do list than I took off, and create compound overwhelm, which leads to ADD-induced depression and trouble getting out of bed to once again face my fears (like perfectionism, which I'm battling as I write this). My mechanism when overwhelmed (pre-recovery) was always to shut down and simply try to survive the day. Now I'm trying to form positive routines but still battling survival-related routines which are deeply ingrained. And sometimes I do wonder if I'm lazy on top of it. Haha. I don't think so, but it's very hard to form a new neural pathway that involves doing the work while defying the brain's wiring to conserve energy and seek out rewards with minimum effort.

Sometimes our biggest wins are just finally making a decision between two choices. For many of us skool community owners it is hard to figure out if we are staying free or going totally paid. Well I finally changed my model. I don't know about you, but me? I am a major overthinker. I am a have back up plans A-Z and stress tested in my head all the possibilities. I am also stubborn in that once I make a decision I try my hardest to stick through it even if it sucks. What solidified my choice was talking it through with some other skool owners on my community call. Which guys please please please there is so much power in doing calls in your community. And when you can join other community calls and not just only host your own. There is power in sharing. But yeah with the changes in discovery and skool boost and reviews, I saw my group was penalized for being free. And since changing to paid, I got a new member and a few reviews. So here is to hoping you guys too get to make a decision. Happy choice making!