What is the difference between a standard and an expectation? When I work with new clients I often face this question. Usually it is a parent asking what they can EXPECT to get out of some private coaching. I have to share with them that just by asking the question I can tell that they are approaching athlete development in a way that is putting pressure on their athlete. So, instead of telling them what they can expect, I flip it and share with them what my standards are for someone who trains with me. The goal is to shift the parent viewpoint away from a performative setting and into a safer environment for the child. You see, when you set an expectation it opens up so many opportunities for the child to feel like they disappointed the adult. That leaves a child playing in a fear based or distressed state, which translates to almost zero retention and growth. My goal is to help that parent realize that by setting a standard, the child is in charge of determining if they are at, above or below the standard at any given time. Then, all the coach/parent has to do is remind them of the standard and the child will self correct. The other big issue with expectations has to do with how they are communicated. Often, they aren't and that makes for a bad situation where nobody feels good. For example, the parent expects their kid to work hard because they are paying money...the kid expects their parent to be chill and just let them have fun and play the game. Nobody shares their expectation going in and on the way out what you get is bad news bears. Let's stop having these negative moments! Want to improve your situation overnight? Just get rid of all those vague and unspoken expectations and instead, sit down with your athlete and lay down some family standards for participating in any activity, especially one that costs money. Let them help determine the standard, align them to your identity (character skills) and then make it fun to try and love above the standard.

Take a look at this character checklist from Brett Leadbetter's WHAT DRIVES WINNING program. You only get to choose one from each side and you have to live by them in everything you do. Which two do you pick and why?

I’m curious…if someone uses this sentence starter to address you about anything at all…what do you hear? I’ve been working a lot to determine which phrases need to be kicked out of youth sports coaching and parenting. To me this is a huge one. I wonder what other sentence starters you all think would be on this list. Let me know in the comments.

Sorry for being MIA for the past few weeks. I have been taking some time to really focus on the students, athletes, families and people closest to me as we head into summer. It has allowed me time and space to find some clarity on my path forward here with NOGA FC. Thank you all for hanging around. I promise there is some cool stuff to come in the next few weeks. I have one big question for anyone still listening here: What was the most impactful experience you can recall from your childhood that shaped the way you talk to young people today???

WHITE BOARD SERIES Ep. 001 “The Power of Identity in Shaping Outcomes” I am so excited to kick off the white board series in our community with special guest Chris Martinez from Homeschooling Athletes on FB. In this unscripted call we will be hearing about the aspects of her families journey through sending four out of four kids to college soccer and how three of them managed to get national team recognition. The focus will be on talking through the family decision around supporting the individual identities of her kids, things that went well and maybe somethings she wishes she could do over again. Our hope in sharing this story is that all of you will benefit from her experience and my commentary around the importance of the parent/child dynamic during the most essential years for youth sports development. The Google meet link is posted in the calendar and I hope to see many of you there. If you have any questions you want to ask or topics you want covered in this talk please leave your comments below: