Niko, you broke my heart!💔 I don't know if I ever want to see you again, but now I just can't. We both know why. I could have handled you not liking me (I’ve done it before, and you know it), but I cannot handle that, as my friend, you chose to play with me without taking responsibility for all of this. You knew I liked you, and I knew you liked me, even if you never told me. I also know why you didn't find the courage to pursue me. You were scared because you didn't know where all of this would lead....because we were colleagues, and because if it didn't work out, our friendship would be ruined, and you might lose me from your life. But is it better now? You are going to lose me from your life without ever knowing what would have happened if... And you will lose me not because you didn't choose me (which honestly hurts), but because while you were flirting with me, you got together with someone else—and the worst part is that you 'forgot' to tell me. And you forgot it not out of fear of hurting me, but so you wouldn't lose what you felt when you were with me. Even now, I can't believe you did all that just to feed your ego, even though the 'evidence' points to that. It is truly a shame, because I held you in such high regard. I always had such beautiful feelings for you and felt such wonderful things around you (safety, respect, care). However, I now recognize that everything I felt for you or around you was actually parts of my own self. So, I am taking it all back now! Unfortunately, I don't have anything positive to wish you at this stage. Not because I stopped loving you, but because it embittered me that you assumed that just because I am kind and decent, you can do whatever you want to me with zero consequences. The consequences start right now, and one of them is that you no longer have access to me. So thank you for the lessons you gave me, even though till now I wish you weren't just another lesson in my life, but a love story. However, I promise you that this 'sacrifice' will not go to waste; from this point on, it is engraved inside me not to wait for anyone, not to choose someone who doesn't show me their interest consistently, and finally, not to constantly make excuses for others just because I am understanding or give them space. So, I am setting you free, because as it turns out, you were never worthy of me!

I relaxed so much during this meditation that I fell asleep the first time, haha! The second time, as I entered the forest, I felt very peaceful. As I approached the bridge, I saw it was wooden, yet sturdy. However, I heard a voice say, 'Be careful; if you cross it, you might fall.' At the edge of the bridge, I initially saw my grandfather (who symbolizes the positive aspect of masculine energy) and shortly after, my dad (who symbolizes the negative aspect of masculine energy). The message from my grandfather was, 'YOU ARE ALREADY DOING IT!' My dad told me that he was sorry for everything I am going through because of him. When my inner child came next to me, she told me she didn't want to walk onto the bridge because the one who hurt her (my dad) was on the other side. Nevertheless, we walked across it together. The masculine figure who sent me energy was God; but before that, he turned the bridge into concrete and told me I could trust Him. While I was receiving the energy, I felt safe and reassured that I could trust Him without fear. After the meditation ended, I felt a deep peace, carrying an inner sense of security and faith that someone has my back, even in hard times.

This is one of my favorite meditations, and I get excited every time I do it. During the meditation, I was transported to a beautiful forest, like the ones you find in Norway. I felt the breeze caressing my cheeks; I touched the tree trunks, and as I walked through it, I felt an incredible sense of peace. Before meeting my higher self, I encountered several animals, such as a squirrel, a wolf, etc. (which I believe represent different aspects of myself). When I met my higher self, she told me: not to wait for anyone who doesn't choose me, that I am enough, and that I need to start living like it. When I lay down on the bed of roses, I saw I was holding my inner child in my arms. She was crying and felt hurt because she felt lonely, as no one ever chose her. I hugged her and told her that I see her pain and that I empathize with her. I told her that she was right to feel the way she did (in my family, I was rarely validated/told I was right). At the end of the process, my inner child asked me not to leave her too. I promised her it would never happen again and that from now on, I would take care of her!🤗

During the meditation with my inner child, I saw her hidden in the dark, feeling lonely. I hugged her and told her she is special, thanked her for everything she went through so I could evolve, and said I consider her my heroine. I also told her that she doesn't have to be afraid anymore because I am holding her, I love her, and from now on, I will be her voice, her ears, and her boundaries.

Wow 😱 I am completely speechless and I am still integrating what just happened. I had no idea what to expect, but I just let myself go completely into the experience. At first, it felt like my body was completely overwhelmed by breathing so deeply and intensely. Suddenly my kidneys started to ache (which I now know is where we store our deepest survival fears and trauma), my nose got blocked, and my socks felt so tight that I literally had to rip them off. My system was trying to hold onto control. But the moment I stripped those socks off, I felt my heart opening up and becoming free. When the child’s voice spoke those loving words, it completely broke me. The tears just started flowing. Cleansing tears that my inner child had been waiting for over 30 years ! When we were asked to exhale and scream, absolutely no sound came out of my throat. Nothing. There was a definitive, physical blockade. As a child, I was forced to be quiet, to obey, and I was never allowed to make noise or even learn a music instrument because it was 'too loud' or 'too expensive'. My voice was literally locked away. But then, the music changed. I am extremely sensitive to music. I get full-body goosebumps instantly. My mind drifted to my dusty guitar sitting in my room, and suddenly, I saw my TRUE SELF. Since 2018, I’ve had this deep inner feeling that I belong on a stage. If you know me in real life, you’d think: 'What? Little, shy, introverted Nadine? Never!' But in that breathwork vision, I saw myself on a stage. Wearing a leather jacket, a nose ring, blue hair, holding my guitar. A total badass rockstar singing her heart out. And in that vision, I COULD SCREAM! I screamed out all the anger, the frustration, and everything that had been bottled up inside me for decades. I sang my soul out to 'The Kill' by 30 Seconds to Mars. It brought me back to a few months ago when a newcomer rock band named 'Thunderpunch' randomly requested to follow me on Instagram. They make exactly the music I embody. They didn’t have a singer yet, and I jokingly messaged them that they need a badass female singer. They actually wrote back asking for voice recordings, but because of my old shyness, I backed down.