I just learned today that the buddhas teaching talks about how depending on the persons nature, they may be more apt to certain meditation practices and like a doctor prescribing medicine, it only makes sense why one may take the one that is often proven to yield good results. I just read this entire book in just one day. So good.

I was listening to this dhamma talk by this lady and this is what I got from it in my personal reflection. I experience mental formations from discomfort, pain, grief, sadness or stress, everyday difficulties… my response can be mental formations to distract, comfort me as fantasies or recursive thinking of situations, looking for something validating, comforting or that will make me feel smart, wise, powerful or witnessed or admired. It can also manifest in the desire to use people, places or things as tools to comfort me or please me or distract me. Also it can manifest as an aversion, an avoidance of things that I feel uncomfortable or fearful or sad or insecure about. When I don’t want to be present with the discomfort or the inevitable pain of living as a being, I can recognize these manifestations, without judgment, acknowledge it is hard or painful and find myself in the gap between the temporary and fleeting escape hatches and rather be present with the discomfort.

Hello guys. Been awhile. I have recently been spending more time in meditation, allowing the discomfort or wanting to be present and sat through. I had an interesting experience meditating the other day. I found myself during meditation at one point, focusing on breathing then a mantra then suddenly I found myself focusing on nothing… actually maintaining my focus on the lack of something. It was wonderful. I am looking to hear if anyone else has had this experience or just what your experiences in meditation have looked like and what it brought to you.

Thought I’d share a bit about this with you guys <3 First off I will say that I’d identify more as “agnostic - omnist - non-dual” belief. — EGO - Persona - Internal Dialogue It’s almost like an internal narrator that: - selects emotional hooks - builds a storyline around them - assigns you a role (victim, hero, rejected, desired, misunderstood, etc.) - and then pulls you into acting or feeling accordingly - fast - emotional - persuasive - identity-based - reactive - “movie-like” The loud voice feels more powerful because: it uses pressure The mind becomes very good at justifying narrating and centering everything around his own perspective. Inner developing consciousness with potential for deeper connection to awareness and perspective. It doesn’t: - argue - persuade - perform It just: knows… and doesn’t need to convince you - quiet - non-performative - accepting - grounded - not trying to sell you anything The soft voice feels weaker because: it respects your choice “learn to recognize and return to the quieter, non-compulsive awareness when the narrator takes over” The thought came → you didn’t follow it → something deeper settled → it got quiet A shift from being inside the movie → to realizing you’re watching it ACTIONABLE Just quietly note: “This is the loud one.” Then: - take one breath - feel your body (even just your hands or chest) - and ask internally: “What does the quieter voice say right now?” Not expecting a speech—just a tone, a direction, a feeling. —

I have developed some intense attachment or overindulgence in thinking… in narrated my observation. It is so fucking overwhelming. I am not sleeping well at all. I already know I have been through some hard shit in my life and I developed thinking patterns to protect myself and be vigilant of myself and others but I am SPENT! I want to be able to just choose to totally be like not in the cycle of view, notice, analyze, observe or whatever, over and over and over again constantly. I CANT SLEEP. It’s getting to the point where my head like is wanting to dead it entirely. I am trying to sort through, in those moments, maybe how to disengage, instead of observing the thoughts and engaging with the observation - rather to just see the them as perhaps not important or even just not necessary. I believe I have found comfort in thinking, I am obsessive as fuck. There’s got to be people out there who have thought and thought themself into oblivion and found peace after somehow!