Avoidance gives temporary relief, but it doesn't solve the problem and also teaches us that uncertainty could evolve and over time, that can increase anxiety and self-doubt. I recently talked with an athlete before cheer tryouts who was nervous because she didn’t know what the environment or situation would be like. I reminded her that even though she couldn’t predict the outcome, she already knew how to perform, she was ready. She could trust her preparation, training, and ability to adapt in the moment. Brad Stulberg has a great quote about this: “Accept where you are to get you where you want to go.” I think confidence is less about certainty and more about trusting yourself even when things feel unknown.

@Faye Matt I really liked your point about helping athletes observe feelings related to uncertainty instead of immediately reacting to them. I think that shift is so important in performance settings because uncertainty is unavoidable, especially in competition. Your example with the football team highlighted how quickly athletes can get pulled into worrying about things outside of their control, like teammates, opponents, or unknown outcomes. Your thoughts about routine is so interesting. I’ve noticed the same thing with athletes becoming attached to certainty within their pre-performance structure. Routines are helpful, but I think there is also value in preparing athletes for disruption within those routines so they can stay adaptable under pressure. That ability to adjust without spiraling seems to build real confidence, because the athlete learns they can still perform well even when conditions are imperfect or unpredictable.

One thing I’ve seen in sports is how reinforcement can strongly affect an athlete’s confidence and self-talk. One of my athletes is very conscious of praise and really wants to do well for her coaches and parents. At gymnastics meets, she also becomes very aware of the audience and outside reactions. When she feels she’s disappointing others or not getting positive feedback, it quickly brings negativity into her self-talk and affects her performance. This shows how mental skills can be shaped through learning principles, not just motivation. Instead of only telling her to “be confident,” we can reinforce behaviors like positive self-talk, sticking to her routine, and focusing on effort rather than outside approval. Over time, consistently rewarding those behaviors can help build healthier performance habits and hopefully reduce the negative thoughts during competition.

@Jordan Hendrix I really relate to this. I was never the naturally gifted athlete either, so I had to learn how to compete through preparation, awareness, and strategy rather than talent alone. I like how your approach teaches athletes that they can gain confidence by being prepared instead of feeling intimidated by someone else’s strengths. I also think the film breakdown helps athletes shift their mindset from fear to control. Instead of focusing on “they’re better than me,” they start focusing on patterns, decision-making, and what they can do in those moments. That process of studying, practicing, getting feedback, and adjusting reinforces confidence because the athlete sees themselves becoming more prepared and capable. It also gives them ownership in the learning process rather than relying only on motivation or reassurance from coaches.

I tend to naturally move a little slower in conversations and focus on really understanding before jumping into solutions. When someone shares a challenge, my first instinct is to explore what is going on underneath the surface rather than immediately trying to fix it. In my current work with an athlete, that has been especially important because what she initially presents is not the full picture. Her surface-level answers do not fully explain what she is experiencing, so I have been trying to stay patient and give her the space to open up at her own pace. Slowing down my questioning has helped me be more intentional with how I respond and has allowed the athlete to feel more comfortable sharing deeper thoughts and emotions. Instead of directing the conversation too quickly, I am focusing on listening, asking open ended questions, and sitting with some of the pauses. That patience seems to be important in helping her get to what she is actually feeling, rather than what she thinks she should say. In the long run, taking this slower, more exploratory approach is helping me build a better understanding of her situation, which will make any support or strategies more meaningful and effective.

@George Smith Yes, I agree with that. You really do have to take the time to figure out what’s actually going on before trying to jump into solutions. I’ve been seeing that a lot with an athlete I’m working with right now where what she says at first isn’t the full story. It’s been more helpful for me to slow down, ask more open questions, and let things unfold instead of trying to label the problem too quickly. I also like your point about looking at all the different pieces, not just behavior but thoughts, emotions, and the environment too. That fuller picture makes it a lot easier to understand where the athlete actually is and what kind of support they really need.

I think that when we label a performer, "she's a choker" or "he's mentally weak", the assessment feels complete and there's nothing left to explore. Curiosity keeps the door open, inviting investigation rather than conclusion. Labels also capture a single moment and apply it permanently, but performers exist on a continuum. Their responses to stress and pressure shift constantly based on context, sleep, relationships, and life demands. Curiosity honors that complexity in a way labels simply cannot. We need to be careful not to label athletes, but especially not to let them hear any labels. It's common for people to internalize what they hear about themselves, which can be damaging.

I am late to this conversation, but I think stress management is very important because if not managed, it will bleed into performance. It's really hard to compartmentalize what you have going on in your life and not think about it during your performance. I think a few key language shifts the athlete can practice before the event would maybe help them manage the emotional reaction. "Anxiety" into "Excitement" or "Activation." The physiological symptoms are nearly identical. The story we tell about them is what differs. Encourage athletes to say "I'm excited" instead of "I'm nervous." "I have to" into "I get to." This shifts the perception of competition from obligation/pressure to privilege and opportunity. "I have to compete today" carries weight; "I get to compete today" carries gratitude and ownership. "I'm stressed" into "I'm ready." Stress symptoms (elevated heart rate, heightened senses, adrenaline) are the body preparing to perform, not a warning sign. "My body is getting me ready" is a powerful reframe.