I’ve been wanting to share something with both my Alive and Emotional Surfing communities because what I’ve been experiencing lately has opened up an entirely new level of curiosity for me. As many of you know, the past several weeks have been quite a ride. When my world started unraveling, I began experiencing something in my body that I can only describe as an internal vibration, almost like electricity humming through me. At first, it was incredibly uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. There were moments when I wondered what the hell was happening and just wanted it to stop. But somewhere along the way, something changed. The sensation hasn’t necessarily gone away, but my experience of it has. What once felt frightening and uncomfortable can now, at times, feel incredibly pleasurable. And that has me thinking about the relationship between our physical sensations, our emotions, and the stories we attach to them. Then things got even more interesting. On three separate occasions, complete strangers approached me and commented on my energy. People who knew absolutely nothing about me or what I’ve been navigating. Recently, a girlfriend came over to give me a massage, and while she was working on me, she began trembling. She told me she could feel something all the way into her bones. I immediately recognized what she was describing because I’ve been feeling something similar in my own body. And I’ve noticed similar trembling in someone else during moments of physical closeness. Of course, my curiosity kicked into high gear. What the hell is going on here? 😂 I’ve been exploring concepts like somatic resonance and interpersonal physiological synchrony, which describe ways our bodies may sense and respond to one another. I don’t know whether either explains what’s happening, and I’m not assuming I’m transferring energy to anyone. But it certainly has me wondering about what we feel in the presence of another person, sometimes without exchanging a single word. And here’s where this connects to so much of what we’ve been exploring together.

For those of you in these containers who know a little of my story, I’ve been pretty quiet lately. I’ve stepped away from some of the conversations, gatherings, and work that have been such an important part of my life. I wanted to share a little about where I’ve been and, more importantly, where I am now. Five weeks ago, my world was turned upside down. I found myself navigating betrayal, grief, anger, fear, and a level of emotional pain I didn’t know was possible. There were days when I could barely make sense of what was happening, much less imagine what my life might look like moving forward. And now, five weeks later, I’m asking that same question. Holy shit, is this really my life? Only this time, it’s coming from a place of excitement, freedom, curiosity, and an aliveness I didn’t know was possible either. I don’t share that because everything is wonderful or because I’ve somehow moved beyond the grief. Far from it. My life is still messy. There are things to untangle, decisions to make, and plenty of uncertainty about what comes next. I’ve had moments of spiraling, questioning myself, and feeling completely overwhelmed. And I’ve also had some of the most beautiful experiences of connection, joy, adventure, and self-discovery. I’ve spent years doing this work, exploring my emotions, recognizing old patterns, learning to stay with myself rather than abandon myself when things get uncomfortable. These past five weeks have brought all of that work out of the conversations and practices and into the middle of my everyday life. And I’m discovering that I can actually do this. Not perfectly. Not without some pretty spectacular moments of falling apart. But I can feel what’s happening without letting every emotion determine what happens next. I’m slowly stepping back into the containers I’ve been absent from, reconnecting with the people and practices that have meant so much to me, and continuing the work. I’m also bringing a very different version of myself back into those spaces. Or perhaps a version of myself I’ve been trying to find my way back to for a very long time.

I want to say something about my absence here lately. Please don’t take my quiet or lack of participation as me stepping away from this work. The truth is, I’m living it. In a way I never would have chosen and in a way that has asked me to use almost everything I’ve created. Emotional Surfing was never meant to be something I taught from a distance. It came from my own life, my own mess, my own learning how to stay with what I feel without letting it take over the whole story. And right now, thank God I have this work. It has been a lifesaver for me. Not because it has made any of this easy. It hasn’t. But it has helped me recognize when I’m feeding a feeling instead of feeling it. It has helped me notice when I’m looping. It has helped me make space for grief, anger, disgust, fear, love, and even possibility without asking any one of them to decide what happens next. I’m finding my way through something deeply personal and life changing, and for now, that means I have less to give outwardly. But I haven’t left the work. I’m in it.

To know what self love is versus to know in your body what it feels like

I keep thinking about how many of us know a lot about emotions and still don’t really know what to do when one hits. We can understand the pattern. We can explain why we react the way we do. We can read the books, listen to the podcasts, have the insight. And then something happens. Someone says the wrong thing. We feel rejected. Scared. Angry. Hurt. Overwhelmed. Suddenly all that understanding is nowhere to be found. That gap is what Emotional Surfing: Riding the Waves of Emotion is about. Not getting rid of emotions. Not becoming calmer, nicer, more positive, or less affected. It’s about learning how to be with what is actually happening before the story takes over. What am I sensing in my body? What emotion is here? What might it be telling me? What do I usually do when this emotion shows up? Do I run, shut down, prove, push away, hold on, disappear? And is there enough space here for one different move? That’s the work. Because emotion is not the problem. The wave is the wave. What changes everything is learning how I ride it. I built Emotional Surfing: Riding the Waves of Emotion because I needed something I could actually use in real life. Not just something that made sense while I was reading it. It’s interactive. It’s experiential. It’s meant to be moved through, not just consumed. And honestly, the part I love most is that it isn’t asking anyone to become someone else. It’s helping us notice what is already happening inside us with enough clarity to have a little more choice. The beta is still open for a bit longer while life has me on a detour and I finish some coursework. If you’ve been curious about it, this is probably the window. Because I don’t think most of us need more information about emotions. I think we need a way to meet them when they actually arrive.