I build up the courage each day To remind myself that he needs me to stay Someday he will hear many different sides I hope he believes I wanted to love instead of lies Its too late for all the amends Existing in a world thats already decided my end Down the street is a river, they tell me to jump On the ground a pipe if its god i want to confront I feel no back i feel no bone Lusting the idea of love, no one wants to condone not ready to let him go, i have nothing left to show My mind is torture and theres no where left to go

So I've been writing this for about 2 years I think I'm done. I would keep coming back to it write a little then not look at it for months. Picked it up today and realized how long it is lol. Figured I would share it. You didn’t arrive with lullabies you came with paws too big for your body, ears tilted toward every sound, a heart already clocking the world for both of us. They call you a dog. I call you the reason my mornings learned how to breathe again. You were there when rooms went quiet, when coffee cooled untouched, when the house carried echoes I didn’t know how to outwalk. You filled the corners with tail thumps, with watchful eyes, with the holy ordinary miracle of needing to go outside right now. You kept me moving when grief tried to glue my boots to the floor. You lean against my leg like you’re holding me upright and let’s be honest, most days you are. You listen for what I miss. Doors. Voices. Danger. The small, sneaky noises of the world. But you also listen for something bigger the moment my breathing changes, the second my shoulders drop, the silence that means I’m thinking too hard again. That’s when you nudge me. That’s when you look up and say, without words, Hey. Stay here with me. You are fur and focus and fierce devotion. A guardian disguised as a goofball. A professional hero who still spins in circles for dinner. You ride shotgun in my life. Through reinventions. Through big plans scribbled on napkins. Through days that pay in hope instead of dollars. Through mountains I haven’t climbed yet and nights I already survived. You didn’t just save my hearing you guarded my heart while it was still learning how to beat in a changed world. People think service is about tasks. About alerts. About training. About obedience. They don’t see the real job: how you stayed. How you watched the man I was become the man still trying. How you kept me company while I rebuilt my life one idea, one poem, one stubborn sunrise at a time. You are my son because you chose me.

It is taking more weight Than i thought i could expose Not a genuine feeling God is at the gate and already knows A haunted apartment turning black My disease of addiction Lack of patience And sound of a gat a vibration That they wont ever give me back

Shhh i wont tell my family Im good with words Dont lie of the pressure No one has ever heard been here help me Shhh i wont think This time i will be gone just you and your friends With an average blink

I dont know if i am scared or not Did i ever see any of this in the plot No chance for amends no time My body aches all over im still waiting for their fine Its not the accountability i lack It is the time it took An ending, where i dont come back Here I go again all day and night i choke