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I remember sitting at the altar about a year ago, while SURRENDER was being played. Surrender had been on my heart that evening, and when the worship team began singing "I surrender" I went to the altar and dropped to my knees. I told God that I had surrendered everything to him, and will continue to. To my surprise he quickly showed me that I hadn't. I heard him say "Give me your dreams and desires" and I began to weep. I asked him, "what will I hold onto then, that is all I have left" of which he replied "Me..." I painfully agreed, and began weeping more. I couldn't hold on to Jesus if I was so desperately clinging to my dreams and desires. Seemingly the only thing I had left to cling to.... That said, this past year has been a year of letting go. Letting go of friendships, ideas, dreams. Letting go of hurts, disappointments, longings. Letting go of my plans of how I think things should go. Letting go of the "what if's" - if life could have just gone the way I'd hope it would have. Letting go of some of my deepest desires and longings. Letting go of things I dont even know I'm holding onto. Letting go of the unknown. Letting go of my measly attempts to keep some sort of control. The scripture says in Phillipians 1:21 "for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Oh how painful it has been to die. But surely in this death, I shall be raised again, and the outcome of that resurrection shall be much more fruitful than the desires of my flesh. Romans 8 teaches us that we must put off all selfishness and that those who live by the flesh shall die, and those who live by the spirit shall live. Despite this metaphorical fleshly death that has occurred, I can be assured that I shall find life through that. For the Spirit of the living God in me brings LIFE! This present suffering, is nothing compared to the Glory of God that shall be revealed in me. In YOU! https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%208&version=NIV