I can remember a very eye opening moment that forced me to realize that I become a tool not a person. It was a innocent moment and maybe you would have looked at differently. However, where I was in my life at that time, it had confirmed something for me. It was Christmas at my in-laws with all of the families there. It was about 10 or so adults and My sister in law had come up with some games for us adults to play to pass the time. Its was fun and I liked all the games we played. But the results of this one game didn't sit well with me at the end. So the game went like this... Each person had a post-it note for every person playing the game and they were to write something on the post it for each person playing. Like a trait they admired or something like that. It was all anonymous, there was a paper taped on the wall with each persons name on it. So you write something on the post-it, fold it and stick it on each person's page. Then each person would read it outloud to the group. You know to see what everyone thought of you. Almost last, I got to hear all the different things people wrote for each other. Things like Funny, thoughtful, confident, brave, hard worker. Then when it was my turn... They almost all said the same thing. Family man, does everything for his family, dedicated to his family... No actual personal traits to speak of. I think think even my wife did the same thing. It seemed like I was nothing outside my family. These are people that have known me for years. Some of them actual lived at my house at one time. How did they nothing else about me? After that day I started to see things differently in my daily life. What is happening in my day. I didn't like what had become of my life. Have you even heard the say... "If you are not following the plans for your life, you will follow someone else's plans".

@Eric Johnson I surly tell you I know that story well. I also know the role you speak of very well. It’s why the only part of the party I look forward to now a days is when it’s over… So it is clear you know what you do… However don’t think that has anything to do with WHO you are?

@Eric Johnson Oh my goodness, you are painting a picture that’s been hanging in my house for a long time. I’ve even taken it down and someone keeps putting it back up! You nailed it with the tool on the shelf…do they even ask you if you are doing something before they start asking for you to do something for them? I can remember a long period of time where I would just sit around and be high all the time cause there was no point in me starting something that I would have to stop to do something for someone else.

Oh no they didn’t!!! Eric my man, they don’t just take your time, they want the one thing that you want to use your time for. “You should sell that thing” instead of “go ride it”! That’s rough to hear, especially at the end of a whole season with no taste of the freedom of flying. What a messed up thing to say to you. I don’t think they understand what they are suggesting. Well if you’re hurt, how are you going to do their stuff? The list for other people is truly endless I tell ya and there’s only so much space on your paper. I just had a conversation with my 17yr old daughter about taking old food containers out of the fridge and setting them on the counter and walking away. Her and her mother do many things like this that end up becoming my problem. So I asked her, why are you leaving this for me to spend my time completing the whole task? Why is your time more important than mine? Next time you do something like that, finish the whole task… But I digress. That list of 19 things and counting equals all work and no play is going to make Eric a crazy man! “when I’m dead they’ll have to pay someone else” You’re not just busy, your kindness is being mistaken for weakness and that’s exhausting… And I appreciate you putting yourself out here on the thread like this. However it is a little restrictive for some responses. Maybe the chat might be better for the rest of this conversation?.. Maybe even a call or face to face? Want to grab that 15 minutes sometime this week? No agenda, just want to actually HEAR where you’re at, not just guessing your tones or catch pieces of it in your posts. I have some constraints, but can make time for you: calendly.com/socurtis1979/15min You’re not alone in this, Eric. Not by a long shot. Have a blessed day and I will pray for you to feel some peace.

I’ve been standing in the eye of a hurricane and getting ready as the wall of wind is coming towards me.

Mine is not as simple, but I'm simply complicated so it tracks...There were points in my life when I would answer "I'd complain, but no one is listening" or "how you are doing?" with "Hanging in there!". Then for some people I'd go on to paint the picture of the kitten in the poster hanging from just his front claws. Adding that I just had one claw on each paw holding me up. Of course I would be do it in a funny way or strait faced, so most people would just say ok or I hear that.