i noticed when i took my drive my sister and i to cape cod that for the entire week she did not shower. she did not smell and she takes beautiful care of her face and she has beautiful things but she didn’t bathe and she packed two terribly ratty shirts . there was no telling her anything. i once drew her a bath and she pretended to take it but didn’t. what is this about??? again i am in LA and she is in new york

i have been so afraid to write my story here and it's really no different than anyone elses. i just can't bear to look at ther directions, suggestions, the reality of the situation. my brilliant, NYU tenured - literally professor of the year - sister has all the markers. i have to bone up here, but i'm devastated. she is 80 and i'm 65. she is in new york and i am in los angeles. there is so much to write and i'm just afraid. just afraid. i am a psychotherapist and i am afraid. i have such tone deaf friends with their well meaning but stupid suggestions. of course i wish she would "go out more" "see her friends more" travel more" but she does not want to leave her block. thanks god that she is letting me (mostly my husband) hire an attorney to protect her big asset (her condo) and what little she has in the bank - they do not pay professors what they should and NYU should be sued because they do not give pensions to their professors! my sister is okay now financially but i am worried about where her extra money goes (i am also talking to her accountant on monday with her permission - she thinks is just for the purposes of the trust i'm making for her, but i really need to know what the heck she has). i wanted my retirement to look like something very different than what i am projecting in to the future. i feel all my hard ass working days were going to be rewarded, but i am just broken over all this. she says she'll go to the doctor (a psychiatric gerentologist) because of her anxiety and memory issues (all recent memory stuff), her repeated questions, her computer not working and not going to the person who can fix it, the clutter (well she has always been the absent minded professor cliche), the inability to remember that we went shopping this summer...she is there and i am here and she is very very very proud and i don't know how to fix it. i just want to fix her and i can't. where do i begin here?

Welcome First, take a deep breath. You do not need to read everything, watch everything, or figure everything out today. Caregiving is already asking a lot of you. This community was designed to help you find clarity, support, and practical guidance one step at a time. Start Where You Are Every caregiver's journey is different. Some members are just beginning to notice changes in a loved one. Others are navigating complex care needs every day. There is no "right" place to start. Use the Caregiver Roadmap to identify the topics and resources that feel most relevant to your situation today. Focus on What Helps Right Now You do not need to learn everything about dementia at once. In fact, trying to do so often creates more anxiety. Instead, ask yourself: "What is the biggest challenge I'm facing right now?" Start there. One helpful insight today is more valuable than information you won't need for another year. Ask Questions One of the most valuable parts of this community is the collective wisdom of caregivers who understand this journey. If you're struggling with a behavior, a difficult conversation, a family challenge, or simply feeling stuck, ask. Chances are someone else has experienced something similar. Learn at Your Own Pace Some members visit every day. Others check in when they need support. Both are okay. This community is here when you need it. There is no falling behind. Share What You're Comfortable Sharing You never have to share more than feels right. Some caregivers find comfort in telling their story. Others prefer to learn quietly for a while. Both approaches are welcome here. One of the hardest parts of dementia caregiving is feeling like no one truly understands what you're carrying. We created this community because caregivers deserve practical guidance, compassionate support, and a place where they don't have to explain everything before being understood. We're glad you're here. Robin & Donna Quick Start Checklist Watch the Welcome Video

Before you jump into the lessons or explore the community, we'd love for you to introduce yourself when you're ready. You don't have to share your whole story. Just tell us your name, who you're caring for, or even one thing that's been on your mind lately. You'll quickly discover that you're among people who understand.

This week we addressed Repetitive Questions, statements, stories: Monday- understanding why repetition happens; Weds- observing the pattern and underlying theme and today: Changing one response or cue. Examples for your response or cues can include: - reassurance phrase - visual schedule - written note/card - clock/calendar cue - snack or movement break - familiar object - transition routine - consistent short answer Instead of re-explaining the whole day every five minutes: Try “We’re staying home today. You’re safe. I’ll let you know when it’s time for lunch.” Your Challenge today is to Choose one repeated question and create one consistent response or cue that addresses the underlying need. We'd love to hear what worked for you...