When I was married we had separate accounts. I didn’t know what he had in his account and he didn’t fully know what I had in my account, but he knew at the time I had a big savings, and after we both retired from the military before we divorced I had three sources of income. Money was not an issue until I found out a few months before I left him back in 2012 that he was keeping a secret. A financial issue on his end came up and he was too prideful to ask me to help him (us) because it was going to impact me as well.

@Kashina Smith I believe that even though I am currently not married, my experiences can help people stay married, by not doing the same things that I did in my marriage. Though, both of us were the cause of the marriage ending. I have gotten to the point of holding myself accountable for the role that I played. Unfortunately, he is still having a difficult time holding himself accountable for his role. I got married at the age of 37 and when we got married at the time he had came home on leave from Afghanistan. He went back to Afghanistan, and I got orders to another base while he was still deployed. The majority of the time we were together as a married couple. I lived in New Mexico and he lived in Florida. At the time we, had a house in New Mexico that we owned that I had built before arriving to the new base, and he was still living in the house with his two adult children he was renting before we got married. There was no reason to have joint accounts. Once I retired from the military and came to Florida. He was supposed to take care of rent and I was taking care of the utilities. I found out two separate times, the rent for the house we were living in was not being paid after he retired from the military. He did not have the same income once he retired. I came across a letter that he hid from me that we were going to be evicted out of the house, and I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said that he didn't want to hear my mouth, that he was going to handle it. Once, the final letter came that the marshal was going to come to take over the house. I left and found my own place. (That's the short version).

@Lyric Lewis Praying that God will continue to bless your marriage and the ministry that the two of you have together.

Welcome everyone!

When I was married, one of the things that kept me from being fully vulnerable with my husband was what I was discerning on what was happening within the home. I did not have any biological children, but he did. I was not happy with some of things that were happening, and there were times that I would pick up on something that was happening with his children, I would tell him, and he would get defensive about it. Would feel some kind of way when I would warn him that something was off. Then what I picked up on/discerned was accurate, he would still be on the defensive or say I was judgmental when it came to his children. After it happened a handful of times, I just stopped saying anything and let whatever happened happen. I would act like everything was fine, even when I knew it wasn’t. Sidenote: People do not realize when they marry someone who they do not have biological kids with and that person is sensitive to the spiritual realm or is very observant. Once they become one flesh with the spouse, they will be spiritually connected with the spouses' children and can begin to pick up not only on things concerning the husband spiritually; but things concerning their children as well.

@Kashina Smith It was interesting because both of his now adult children ended up having children outside of marriage. I was warning him even before we got married when the kids were younger. They were both involved in sexual relationships when they were teenagers. It was just a matter of time that they were going to have children. God gives men a helpmeet for a reason.

@Kashina Smith Yes, that free will be tripping us up. LOL!

@Kashina Smith

@Kashina Smith Reflecting back and taking accountability helped me to grow. During, that season I was working a full-time job and pursuing my doctorate degree. I eventually, stopped working and was just focusing on my doctorate. I still was spending more time on my course work, while he was doing whatever it was, he was doing. Yes, it can be hard to find the words to say the connection is missed. He had the type of personality that he would not address certain things with me because I was not the easiest person to talk to and he shared with me after the divorce that he knew I would see it as a sign of weakness. I have a very strong personality and he did not. He was more meek not necessarily weak.

@Kashina Smith It helped somewhat with the healing process as well. More so on my end, not so much on his end.