I don't know this choreo, so.... but I can say: Yeah, of course yes 🤩 the beginning is much better now✨😄, but I see some points where you can improve, to start: the movements of the hands in some parts, like: (0:17~0:20), I think they could be cleaner and more precise. I hope this helps 😄♥️ And, what is the name of the music? I want to see the original, and then, maybe I can help you better😄